i love the sound of summer rain. it woke me early, a steady drumbeat on the rhododendron leaves, punctuated by trills and chirps. Beloved and i are looking forward to a three-day weekend.
the girls are going to a coldplay concert tonight with brad and kate - leaving baby jake in the care of my son, uncle jamie. i don't think he's ever had sole charge of his nephew for any length of time and baby jake is squarely in terrible-two country. im thinking i should probably stay close to a phone.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
technical difficulties AGAIN!
i believe this time it's blogger's fault - when i try to open blogs, including my own, internet explorer keeps aborting the operation and shutting them down. id love to read and comment cause i see you all wrote some fun stuff... but i can't :(! so im thinking of you all and will catch up when i can!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
rolling with the punches
i heard from my agent regarding the partial submission i sent in last january and she was lukewarm, but honest, at best. it's okay because for right now, i want to focus on the Angel proposal, and if she'd been positive, i may have been attractively distracted. aren't the Angels good to keep me on task?
we have a few tweaks to make to the proposal, and there's a chapter to be written, and an introduction to be edited, but for the most part, we are in good shape. i think we're going to meet our self-imposed deadline of june 20... the first day of summer seems like a good karma day.
as i've been lying on the couch staring up at the ceiling, babying my neck, i am reminded that every obstacle, every set-back, every challenge isn't meant to stop us... its there to show us how much we really want something.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
we have a few tweaks to make to the proposal, and there's a chapter to be written, and an introduction to be edited, but for the most part, we are in good shape. i think we're going to meet our self-imposed deadline of june 20... the first day of summer seems like a good karma day.
as i've been lying on the couch staring up at the ceiling, babying my neck, i am reminded that every obstacle, every set-back, every challenge isn't meant to stop us... its there to show us how much we really want something.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
chick chat - confessions of a write-brained mommy
1. when im writing, i tell my children not to bother me unless there's blood involved.
2. even when there's blood involved, i have been known to make a child walk around the house to come in the front door because i didn't want him dripping blood on my freshly scrubbed kitchen floor.
3. i'm a sucker for buying books so my kids learned early that while i more often than not said no to candy or toys, if they asked for some sort of reading material, i always said yes.
4. i don't believe in censorship, and i think violence is far worse an influence on anyone than sex, so i've always let my kids watch any movie or read any book they wanted. this has led to some interesting situations with other parents. for example, when my middle daughter was four, her favorite movie was pretty woman. "annie," said a concerned friend of mine at the time, "aren't you a little worried about your four year old daughter prancing aorund in your black boots pretending to be a prostitute?" i remember i blinked and said, "but isn't everyone, to some extent?" and on a side note, if my parents are quietly embarrassed, my children find it appalling i write sex scenes.
5. when i find pictures of my children in comprising positions i laugh and put them back.
6. when i was a single mother, at the end of particularly long and grueling days, i'd take them out for ice cream sundaes for dinner. :)
and that's probably enough for most of you to know.
2. even when there's blood involved, i have been known to make a child walk around the house to come in the front door because i didn't want him dripping blood on my freshly scrubbed kitchen floor.
3. i'm a sucker for buying books so my kids learned early that while i more often than not said no to candy or toys, if they asked for some sort of reading material, i always said yes.
4. i don't believe in censorship, and i think violence is far worse an influence on anyone than sex, so i've always let my kids watch any movie or read any book they wanted. this has led to some interesting situations with other parents. for example, when my middle daughter was four, her favorite movie was pretty woman. "annie," said a concerned friend of mine at the time, "aren't you a little worried about your four year old daughter prancing aorund in your black boots pretending to be a prostitute?" i remember i blinked and said, "but isn't everyone, to some extent?" and on a side note, if my parents are quietly embarrassed, my children find it appalling i write sex scenes.
5. when i find pictures of my children in comprising positions i laugh and put them back.
6. when i was a single mother, at the end of particularly long and grueling days, i'd take them out for ice cream sundaes for dinner. :)
and that's probably enough for most of you to know.
more from Ask Annie
Question: I've finished my manuscript, I've gotten feedback and polished it until I'm sure it shines. I know i want to submit it for publication, but I have no idea how. Now what? What do I do next?
Answer: Hopefully, along the way, you've begun to attend writers' conferences, lectures or book signings at bookstores and libraries and maybe even joined a writers' group or two. As in any other profession, it helps to network. You never know who the person sitting next to you knows, either, so be nice to everyone.
One of the first places I'd go to find out how and to whom to submit my work is to writing magazines and books on writing and publishing. Bookstores, libraries and even online communities have great advice on what proper manuscript format looks like, and directories where you can find out who is acquiring what and in what format they'd like to receive it.
Depending on what you've written and to whom you want to submit it to, you may or may not need an agent. Children's literature and short fiction, for example, are traditionally not handled by many agents. And, in this brave new world of Internet communities, you may decide to that a non-traditional route - e-publishing or Print-on-Demand - may be right for you.
So keep an open mind, ask a lot of questions and never take "no" for a final answer. Happy writing!.... annie
Answer: Hopefully, along the way, you've begun to attend writers' conferences, lectures or book signings at bookstores and libraries and maybe even joined a writers' group or two. As in any other profession, it helps to network. You never know who the person sitting next to you knows, either, so be nice to everyone.
One of the first places I'd go to find out how and to whom to submit my work is to writing magazines and books on writing and publishing. Bookstores, libraries and even online communities have great advice on what proper manuscript format looks like, and directories where you can find out who is acquiring what and in what format they'd like to receive it.
Depending on what you've written and to whom you want to submit it to, you may or may not need an agent. Children's literature and short fiction, for example, are traditionally not handled by many agents. And, in this brave new world of Internet communities, you may decide to that a non-traditional route - e-publishing or Print-on-Demand - may be right for you.
So keep an open mind, ask a lot of questions and never take "no" for a final answer. Happy writing!.... annie
from Sited & Blogged's Ask Annie column
Question: I realize that scenes of dialogue and action are the key to moving the plot along and developing the characters. But how do I handle dialogue? I'm afraid mine sometimes sounds almost too natural, and the rest of the time, I'm afraid it sounds stilted and artificial.
Answer: Dialogue can be tricky, because it IS artificial. It's not real speech, any more than your characters are "real" human beings in the flesh and blood sense. Dialogue, as already noted, is a technique used in drama and fiction to move the plot along and to reveal character. Because it's a technique, it's something all writers can learn how to do effectively.
For each scene, as much as you are able, decide who knows what, who wants to know what and who needs to know what. Decide if there's someone who's deliberately withholding information, or if a character is lying. Think about who has the most to lose in any given scene, because that's the point of view that's usually the most compelling. Write all the information down if you must - I like to keep a legal pad beside me as I type so I can jot down things I need to remember. Post-it notes are great too, but be careful not to lose them :). Create or edit your scene with all this information in mind. Don't worry about the dialogue, just get the characters talking to each other.
Then comes one of the best parts of writing - for me, anyway. Read your dialogue aloud. The key to effective dialogue is how it sounds. Remember that it's not real speech - it's mimicking speech. You'll leave out all the ums and ahs and a lot of the social interaction stuff we spend a lot of time doing.
Dialogue is different from speech because it has a purpose other than simply communication or connection. It's an integral part of the story. But the best dialogue "sounds" right. It gives the characters unique and distinct voices. It allows the reader to "hear." So shut your door, close your windows, warn your kids that they might hear you talking to yourself and answering yourself, maybe even in three or four different voices. Effective dialogue is a subtle combination of information and sound.
Happy writing... Annie
Answer: Dialogue can be tricky, because it IS artificial. It's not real speech, any more than your characters are "real" human beings in the flesh and blood sense. Dialogue, as already noted, is a technique used in drama and fiction to move the plot along and to reveal character. Because it's a technique, it's something all writers can learn how to do effectively.
For each scene, as much as you are able, decide who knows what, who wants to know what and who needs to know what. Decide if there's someone who's deliberately withholding information, or if a character is lying. Think about who has the most to lose in any given scene, because that's the point of view that's usually the most compelling. Write all the information down if you must - I like to keep a legal pad beside me as I type so I can jot down things I need to remember. Post-it notes are great too, but be careful not to lose them :). Create or edit your scene with all this information in mind. Don't worry about the dialogue, just get the characters talking to each other.
Then comes one of the best parts of writing - for me, anyway. Read your dialogue aloud. The key to effective dialogue is how it sounds. Remember that it's not real speech - it's mimicking speech. You'll leave out all the ums and ahs and a lot of the social interaction stuff we spend a lot of time doing.
Dialogue is different from speech because it has a purpose other than simply communication or connection. It's an integral part of the story. But the best dialogue "sounds" right. It gives the characters unique and distinct voices. It allows the reader to "hear." So shut your door, close your windows, warn your kids that they might hear you talking to yourself and answering yourself, maybe even in three or four different voices. Effective dialogue is a subtle combination of information and sound.
Happy writing... Annie
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
dreaming of Bear*
in response to my last post, a friend of mine mentioned a recurring dream she's had of being attacked by a Bear. Bear is a very powerful symbol in native american spiritual beliefs. i first encountered Bear when i delved into shamanic work a few years ago, and realized that not only was Bear one of my "power animals," it was the first power animal to have come to me, and it came as a gift of my great-grandmother. to be "attacked" by a Bear in a dream feels very significant to me.
a few years ago, i had a dream that i was standing in my living room overlooking the ponds. it was early morning, and the television was on, as always, but the channel wasn't tuned to the financial channel - it was a show about a tree, a huge tree with an extremely thick trunk and many thick branches.
i was looking outside and looking at the television and trying to pay attention to both, when i noticed a young, native american woman in a beautiful white leather dress with beads and fringe standing by the side of the pond. "look," i said to Beloved, who was in the background somewhere, "that's White Buffalo Maiden - let's go join her."
but before either of us could move, the woman jumped into the pond and swam across to the point where there's a large rock on the opposite side. she got out, apparently not wet at all. she raised her arms and bowed once to each of the four directions, and then a fifth time directly at me. then she unzipped her white dress, and stepping out of it, turned into a bear. she placed the white dress on the rock, then bounded away into the woods.
and on the television, doors opened up in this gigantic tree and out stepped men in black suits and white shirts.
this dream has remained with me ever since, providing fodder for meditations and journies and all sorts of introspections. but among other meanings, native americans teach that the appearance of Bear in any dream is a powerful symbol with a powerful message. i would venture to guess that the fact my friend is being attacked by Bear in her dream represents on some level the degree to which Bear is trying to get its message through, as well as the defensiveness my friend feels toward this OtherWorldly messenger.
Bear is a symbol of the Sacred Feminine, spending much of its time sleeping deep in the womb of the Earth. thus, it suggests a way to seek wisdom through stillness and meditation. Bear also appears when we need to take time to nurture ourselves.
But Bear is a powerful animal, and will not be denied. When the Bear comes in dreams, it indicates a need to connect to our most inner depths, where our true Selves reside. Bear can stand on her hind legs, Bear has large claws and big teeth and isn't afraid to use them. Thus, when Bear appears, it's also as a reminder of our own innate power - we have the resources we need to help ourselves and to stand on our own two feet. it resides within us, a gift of the Great Spirit - no rule or law or scripture can possibly bestow upon us what is already ours to use.
Bear is particularly associated with dreaming because of their long deep sleep. When Bear sleeps, she is connecting with the Great Spirit and so too, do we connect in our deepest sleep. Bear reminds us not to ignore our dreams.
and furthermore, the war wil end. blessed be.
*i love little synchronicities... just as i was finishing this post, i got a notice that Ted Andrews' Animal Speak Pocket Guide is now available on amazon.com!
a few years ago, i had a dream that i was standing in my living room overlooking the ponds. it was early morning, and the television was on, as always, but the channel wasn't tuned to the financial channel - it was a show about a tree, a huge tree with an extremely thick trunk and many thick branches.
i was looking outside and looking at the television and trying to pay attention to both, when i noticed a young, native american woman in a beautiful white leather dress with beads and fringe standing by the side of the pond. "look," i said to Beloved, who was in the background somewhere, "that's White Buffalo Maiden - let's go join her."
but before either of us could move, the woman jumped into the pond and swam across to the point where there's a large rock on the opposite side. she got out, apparently not wet at all. she raised her arms and bowed once to each of the four directions, and then a fifth time directly at me. then she unzipped her white dress, and stepping out of it, turned into a bear. she placed the white dress on the rock, then bounded away into the woods.
and on the television, doors opened up in this gigantic tree and out stepped men in black suits and white shirts.
this dream has remained with me ever since, providing fodder for meditations and journies and all sorts of introspections. but among other meanings, native americans teach that the appearance of Bear in any dream is a powerful symbol with a powerful message. i would venture to guess that the fact my friend is being attacked by Bear in her dream represents on some level the degree to which Bear is trying to get its message through, as well as the defensiveness my friend feels toward this OtherWorldly messenger.
Bear is a symbol of the Sacred Feminine, spending much of its time sleeping deep in the womb of the Earth. thus, it suggests a way to seek wisdom through stillness and meditation. Bear also appears when we need to take time to nurture ourselves.
But Bear is a powerful animal, and will not be denied. When the Bear comes in dreams, it indicates a need to connect to our most inner depths, where our true Selves reside. Bear can stand on her hind legs, Bear has large claws and big teeth and isn't afraid to use them. Thus, when Bear appears, it's also as a reminder of our own innate power - we have the resources we need to help ourselves and to stand on our own two feet. it resides within us, a gift of the Great Spirit - no rule or law or scripture can possibly bestow upon us what is already ours to use.
Bear is particularly associated with dreaming because of their long deep sleep. When Bear sleeps, she is connecting with the Great Spirit and so too, do we connect in our deepest sleep. Bear reminds us not to ignore our dreams.
and furthermore, the war wil end. blessed be.
*i love little synchronicities... just as i was finishing this post, i got a notice that Ted Andrews' Animal Speak Pocket Guide is now available on amazon.com!
seeing the Bear
the first time we saw a bear, Beloved and i were coming back from dinner and i saw what i thought was a big black dog standing on its hind legs beside the bookcase i'd been painting, about five feet from our back door.
"wow," said Beloved, "look at the BEAR!" and all of a sudden the dog morphed into a big black BEAR and lumbered away into the woods at the sound of our car. i have no idea what attracted the bear to the bookcase... maybe he was looking for something to read.
Beloved and i were so excited we called the police to tell them there was a bear wandering around town and they told us we were lucky. "to be alive?" i asked Beloved as he related the conversation. "no, to have seen the bear," he said.
a year or so later, Beloved was barbecuing outside the front of the house, and we saw a small brown bear with an orange tag in her ear wander out of the woods and take a hopeful sniff. she lingered for a long time on the other side of the pond... or at least long enough for us to decide to move the grill.
the following spring, libby and i were on our way out somewhere when libby said, "oh, mommy, look at the bear... it's got a cub!" fortunately the door was still closed, and we waited until mama bear and her baby diappeared.
one morning in late fall, i was coming back down the driveway (in my car) after taking libby up to meet the bus, when i saw what looked like a large black shadow blocking my path. the shadow shifted, moved to one side and vanished into the trees. i wasn't sure what i'd seen, until buddy and sam discovered the large pile of poop in the middle of the drive.
last night we were relaxing after dinner when ethan saw a big black bear wander out of the woods and along the perimeter of the lawn. it strolled over to Beloved's art house, sniffed the woodpecker's woodpile, and meandered deeper into the woods, until we couldn't see it anymore.
"do you think i should call the police?" asked Beloved, "and let them know there's a bear the size of gentle ben wandering around town?"
"nah," i said. "i don't need the police to tell me how lucky i am."
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
"wow," said Beloved, "look at the BEAR!" and all of a sudden the dog morphed into a big black BEAR and lumbered away into the woods at the sound of our car. i have no idea what attracted the bear to the bookcase... maybe he was looking for something to read.
Beloved and i were so excited we called the police to tell them there was a bear wandering around town and they told us we were lucky. "to be alive?" i asked Beloved as he related the conversation. "no, to have seen the bear," he said.
a year or so later, Beloved was barbecuing outside the front of the house, and we saw a small brown bear with an orange tag in her ear wander out of the woods and take a hopeful sniff. she lingered for a long time on the other side of the pond... or at least long enough for us to decide to move the grill.
the following spring, libby and i were on our way out somewhere when libby said, "oh, mommy, look at the bear... it's got a cub!" fortunately the door was still closed, and we waited until mama bear and her baby diappeared.
one morning in late fall, i was coming back down the driveway (in my car) after taking libby up to meet the bus, when i saw what looked like a large black shadow blocking my path. the shadow shifted, moved to one side and vanished into the trees. i wasn't sure what i'd seen, until buddy and sam discovered the large pile of poop in the middle of the drive.
last night we were relaxing after dinner when ethan saw a big black bear wander out of the woods and along the perimeter of the lawn. it strolled over to Beloved's art house, sniffed the woodpecker's woodpile, and meandered deeper into the woods, until we couldn't see it anymore.
"do you think i should call the police?" asked Beloved, "and let them know there's a bear the size of gentle ben wandering around town?"
"nah," i said. "i don't need the police to tell me how lucky i am."
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Monday, May 18, 2009
happy birthday, etharoni
my stepson ethan turns 25 today. he's a nice young man with his dad's broad shoulders, brown eyes and sweet nature. when Beloved and i first started seeing each other, ethan was 11.
i first got to know ethan over a set of Magic cards. i don't know if anyone remembers, but there used to be a game called Magic: the Gathering, and for a bit, i toyed with the prospect of writing a novel based on its magic system and within its world. although i eventually declined, when i met ethan, i'd been sent a pack of Magic cards and i had no idea what to do with them.
my son wasn't interested and besides, mister ex was making it hard for me to spend time with him. but ethan was into the game, knew how to play, and spent a considerable time the first weekend i met him teaching me the game. come to think of it, i don't think i'd be wrong to say that Magic brought me into ethan's life.
so happy birthday, etharoni.. thanks for sharing all the Magic.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
i first got to know ethan over a set of Magic cards. i don't know if anyone remembers, but there used to be a game called Magic: the Gathering, and for a bit, i toyed with the prospect of writing a novel based on its magic system and within its world. although i eventually declined, when i met ethan, i'd been sent a pack of Magic cards and i had no idea what to do with them.
my son wasn't interested and besides, mister ex was making it hard for me to spend time with him. but ethan was into the game, knew how to play, and spent a considerable time the first weekend i met him teaching me the game. come to think of it, i don't think i'd be wrong to say that Magic brought me into ethan's life.
so happy birthday, etharoni.. thanks for sharing all the Magic.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
sweet relief
i woke up this morning to continuing improvement. the feeling of a brick instead of my head sitting on top of my spine is gone. some of the pain has shifted, as musclar-skeletal pain is sometimes wont to do, into my middle back and right hip.
yesterday i did a quick five minute run to the grocery store, and i'm glad i decided not to drive to oxford. im thinking of not going to wethersfield, much as i really want to. i may try a trip to staples later this morning before i decide.
i plan to spend the morning catching up on the blogs i love to read, working on the Angel material and preparing for my interview this evening with Dory Dzinski of The Door Opener - probably the single-most important publication in Connecticut for new-age and wholistic health.
Dory herself has an interesting practice and i look forward to sharing more of her story with laura and our listeners. im also looking forward to asking her for some insights on this situation with my neck! please give us a listen this evening from 6 to 7 PM EDT on blogtalkradio's Discovering Nature's Spirit.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
yesterday i did a quick five minute run to the grocery store, and i'm glad i decided not to drive to oxford. im thinking of not going to wethersfield, much as i really want to. i may try a trip to staples later this morning before i decide.
i plan to spend the morning catching up on the blogs i love to read, working on the Angel material and preparing for my interview this evening with Dory Dzinski of The Door Opener - probably the single-most important publication in Connecticut for new-age and wholistic health.
Dory herself has an interesting practice and i look forward to sharing more of her story with laura and our listeners. im also looking forward to asking her for some insights on this situation with my neck! please give us a listen this evening from 6 to 7 PM EDT on blogtalkradio's Discovering Nature's Spirit.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
what to do, what to do
my dilemma about whether to go to the festival - or not - was resolved when i found a way to contact the coordinators. fortunately, this particular festival is run by the most go-with-the-flow folks in the world - and hopefully next year, i will be able to join them.
so today i stayed home and laid low - i planted a few things, weeded a few beds, and mostly restrained myself from grabbing the clippers and the pruners. mostly.
i picked up my sunshine-yellow beetle from the garage where its been on the sick-and-injured list - sort of like me - for the past week or so since meg scraped its bottom over a bump.
i iced my neck - a lot - but didn't need either ibuprofen or the muscle relaxer, which meant i felt a lot less sleepy than i have the past few days.
tomorrow im supposed to go to wethersfield and meet with my research assistant on the angel book - which seems to be coming along almost of its own volition. i suspect i probably will go - the Angel project is something i really want to finish, and wethersfield isn't quite the hike that oxford is.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
so today i stayed home and laid low - i planted a few things, weeded a few beds, and mostly restrained myself from grabbing the clippers and the pruners. mostly.
i picked up my sunshine-yellow beetle from the garage where its been on the sick-and-injured list - sort of like me - for the past week or so since meg scraped its bottom over a bump.
i iced my neck - a lot - but didn't need either ibuprofen or the muscle relaxer, which meant i felt a lot less sleepy than i have the past few days.
tomorrow im supposed to go to wethersfield and meet with my research assistant on the angel book - which seems to be coming along almost of its own volition. i suspect i probably will go - the Angel project is something i really want to finish, and wethersfield isn't quite the hike that oxford is.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Friday, May 15, 2009
chomping at the bit
i've spent the last couple days mostly nursing my neck and i'm seeing a slow improvement - not as fast as i'd like of course, and not fast enough to assess how much of an impact my neck is going to have on my weekend plans to lead two workshops at forest folk festival.
fortunately, my dear friend laura is willing and able to jump into the breach, but i hate to leave her in the lurch, not to mention miss the good time. people will be there i haven't seen in a while and i was looking forward to seeing them again.
on the other hand, i can't let myself aggravate my neck. so today i'll cautiously try to expand my activities to include something other than lying on the couch, alternating hot and cold packs on my neck, drinking blueberry tea, and ingesting herbal muscle relaxers*.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
* the herbal muscle relaxer prescribed by my chiropractor is an over-the-counter supplement called Formula 303. it contains valerian root, passiflora and magnesium. i find it works very well for me, but i would advise anyone to check with their health care practitioner before using it!
fortunately, my dear friend laura is willing and able to jump into the breach, but i hate to leave her in the lurch, not to mention miss the good time. people will be there i haven't seen in a while and i was looking forward to seeing them again.
on the other hand, i can't let myself aggravate my neck. so today i'll cautiously try to expand my activities to include something other than lying on the couch, alternating hot and cold packs on my neck, drinking blueberry tea, and ingesting herbal muscle relaxers*.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
* the herbal muscle relaxer prescribed by my chiropractor is an over-the-counter supplement called Formula 303. it contains valerian root, passiflora and magnesium. i find it works very well for me, but i would advise anyone to check with their health care practitioner before using it!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
learning to listen
i know enough about the way energy works that when i looked outside my window this afternoon and saw, of all things, a woodpecker busily pecking through the woodpile on the ground, i recognized a Messenger.
i've had a sense that this whole issue with my neck contains a Message - a message that requires close and careful attention.
interestingly, woodpecker appears prominently in both native american traditions and roman myth. a woodpecker fed romulus and remus - the original founders of the city of the rome - along with a wolf. the woodpecker's rapid-fire rapping suggests a messenger from the Upper World. and woodpecker, like the ram, resonates with aries energy of initiative, persistence, and sheer willfulness of action.
for jung, woodpecker is a symbol of a return to the womb. the woodpecker makes its home within a tree, which like the womb is earthy, grounded, sturdy and secure. as some of my Gentle Readers may remember an issue Beloved and i have been carrying for many months is the weight of my mother’s family house at the Jersey shore. like my grandmother herself when she was alive, it hangs around my neck like an albatross. it's time to release it, to allow it to pass out of my hands, out of my family, to allow whatever bitterness and emptiness remains to pass. all things end. perhaps the woodpecker comes to lend me strength and perserverance, as well as some of that dogged determination.
North American Prairie tribes had a myth that the title of protector of humankind was once vied for by the turkey and the woodpecker. the woodpecker won the title because of her ability to make such marvelous nests wherein the spiritual seed of humankind would always be sheltered from predatory threat. this tickles me, especially in light of my almost-instinctive flight last night.
and last, but never, especially in my case, least, woodpecker reminds me to be mindful of my words. its narrow tongue, so effective for picking up food in narrow places, is symbolic for finding the most delicate means to achieve the most profound impact.
she's gone now, having pecked her way through the woodpile, leaving only a spray of woodchips behind.
i've had a sense that this whole issue with my neck contains a Message - a message that requires close and careful attention.
interestingly, woodpecker appears prominently in both native american traditions and roman myth. a woodpecker fed romulus and remus - the original founders of the city of the rome - along with a wolf. the woodpecker's rapid-fire rapping suggests a messenger from the Upper World. and woodpecker, like the ram, resonates with aries energy of initiative, persistence, and sheer willfulness of action.
for jung, woodpecker is a symbol of a return to the womb. the woodpecker makes its home within a tree, which like the womb is earthy, grounded, sturdy and secure. as some of my Gentle Readers may remember an issue Beloved and i have been carrying for many months is the weight of my mother’s family house at the Jersey shore. like my grandmother herself when she was alive, it hangs around my neck like an albatross. it's time to release it, to allow it to pass out of my hands, out of my family, to allow whatever bitterness and emptiness remains to pass. all things end. perhaps the woodpecker comes to lend me strength and perserverance, as well as some of that dogged determination.
North American Prairie tribes had a myth that the title of protector of humankind was once vied for by the turkey and the woodpecker. the woodpecker won the title because of her ability to make such marvelous nests wherein the spiritual seed of humankind would always be sheltered from predatory threat. this tickles me, especially in light of my almost-instinctive flight last night.
and last, but never, especially in my case, least, woodpecker reminds me to be mindful of my words. its narrow tongue, so effective for picking up food in narrow places, is symbolic for finding the most delicate means to achieve the most profound impact.
she's gone now, having pecked her way through the woodpile, leaving only a spray of woodchips behind.
team mommy to the rescue
i got a call last night from my oldest daughter while i was lying on the couch in the most agonizing pain ive felt since i gave birth to libby.
"i think jamie needs help, mom," she said without much preamble. "he was talking just now about food stamps - he and cj are having celery and peanut butter for dinner."
i believe in raising children to be independent. i believe in raising children to make their own way in life, and to pay their own bills. but sometimes, when making one's own way and paying one's own bills is new, a child is still a child, no matter how old he is. i also don't believe in letting children starve if there's any other alternative.
and so, at 715, libby and i threw on some more or less presentable clothes (hers more, mine less), flew to the grocery store and then to my son's - about a forty-five minute drive to the other side of hartford. jamie took the stuff with tears in his eyes.
"i feel a lot better," said libby, on the way home.
"that jamie won't starve?" i asked, between clenched jaw and gritted teeth.
"no," she replied. "that now i know you'll never let me."
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
"i think jamie needs help, mom," she said without much preamble. "he was talking just now about food stamps - he and cj are having celery and peanut butter for dinner."
i believe in raising children to be independent. i believe in raising children to make their own way in life, and to pay their own bills. but sometimes, when making one's own way and paying one's own bills is new, a child is still a child, no matter how old he is. i also don't believe in letting children starve if there's any other alternative.
and so, at 715, libby and i threw on some more or less presentable clothes (hers more, mine less), flew to the grocery store and then to my son's - about a forty-five minute drive to the other side of hartford. jamie took the stuff with tears in his eyes.
"i feel a lot better," said libby, on the way home.
"that jamie won't starve?" i asked, between clenched jaw and gritted teeth.
"no," she replied. "that now i know you'll never let me."
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
pain in the neck
my achilles heel is in my neck. the right side of my neck, to be precise, at the juncture where my shoulder meets my neck. its the angle a sword or ax blade might come down and sever a head from a torso, or deliver a mortal blow. more than one past life regression has suggested ive lost my head any number of times in a myriad of similar ways.
so this is a very sensitive region for me... one easily activated and aggravated. sometime late last week i slept in a funny position and woke up with a slight crick. i picked up something heavy - i think it was the 30lb of dog food - or maybe 34 lb baby jake - and further irritated it. now my neck is screaming and im aggravated... just as i was getting a grip on the garden. i've spent the better part of the last two days clutching my ice bag, channeling reiki, rubbing in the st john's wort oil, and taking copious amounts of ibuprofen just in case.
when i was very little, i was prone to suffer an ailment i remember my mother calling "stiff neck." i wasn't able to move my head at all and i would spend hours lying in bed with a heating pad on my neck. i dont remember how i'd get better but just magically my neck would be fine. none of my kids ever suffered in this way and i wonder now what in the world i had then.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
so this is a very sensitive region for me... one easily activated and aggravated. sometime late last week i slept in a funny position and woke up with a slight crick. i picked up something heavy - i think it was the 30lb of dog food - or maybe 34 lb baby jake - and further irritated it. now my neck is screaming and im aggravated... just as i was getting a grip on the garden. i've spent the better part of the last two days clutching my ice bag, channeling reiki, rubbing in the st john's wort oil, and taking copious amounts of ibuprofen just in case.
when i was very little, i was prone to suffer an ailment i remember my mother calling "stiff neck." i wasn't able to move my head at all and i would spend hours lying in bed with a heating pad on my neck. i dont remember how i'd get better but just magically my neck would be fine. none of my kids ever suffered in this way and i wonder now what in the world i had then.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
on the menu
i like to do things my way. that's why, on my special day as a mother, i like to take charge of the food. i like to cook, and this way i make sure i get to eat what i like to eat. this year, it's brunch, and i'm making:
apple bread pudding with maple syrup
bacon
fresh fruit (blackberries, strawberries, bananas and apples) with cream cheese-marshmallow fluff
orange juice and lemonade
coffee and tea
i got the recipe for the cream cheese-marshmallow fluff at a bed & breakfast my children and i stayed in when i was still married to mister ex. the fluff stuff was served to us at breakfast on top of blackberries and bananas. my kids and i loved it so much we practically licked the bowls clean. it's really simple to make - the only trick is to beat the cream cheese smooth. if you omit this step, you end up with lumpy fluff.
1 brick cream cheese, softened
1 tub marshmallow fluff
1/3 cup milk
beat softened cream cheese by adding half the milk, a small amount at a time until smooth and thinned. add the marshmallow fluff by spoonfuls, alternating with milk to keep from clumping. you may need a bit more milk depending. the fluff will be the consistency of soft serve ice-cream when you are done. chill or serve immediately over fruit.
apple bread pudding with maple syrup
bacon
fresh fruit (blackberries, strawberries, bananas and apples) with cream cheese-marshmallow fluff
orange juice and lemonade
coffee and tea
i got the recipe for the cream cheese-marshmallow fluff at a bed & breakfast my children and i stayed in when i was still married to mister ex. the fluff stuff was served to us at breakfast on top of blackberries and bananas. my kids and i loved it so much we practically licked the bowls clean. it's really simple to make - the only trick is to beat the cream cheese smooth. if you omit this step, you end up with lumpy fluff.
1 brick cream cheese, softened
1 tub marshmallow fluff
1/3 cup milk
beat softened cream cheese by adding half the milk, a small amount at a time until smooth and thinned. add the marshmallow fluff by spoonfuls, alternating with milk to keep from clumping. you may need a bit more milk depending. the fluff will be the consistency of soft serve ice-cream when you are done. chill or serve immediately over fruit.
from "Time for Me" at Sited & Blogged
over at Sited & Blogged, i share a weekly column with Dina called Time for Me. our topics range from mindful meditations to herbal pedicures and i hope you will check us out there some sunday. this is the column i wrote for today:
For most people reading this, today is a day for flowers, brunches, long-distance phone calls and family visits. Lots of us will wake up to sticky fingers and sloppy kisses, homemade cards, uncertainly-wrapped presents and maybe even burnt toast.
But what about those of us who don't have such fond memories of our mothers, or those of us for whom Mother's Day is an annual reminder of something we've lost or never had a chance to have? How can those of us with less-than-ideal mother-memories cope, or those of us who've lost kids or find them faraway today? How about those of us who are lonely, and alone?
One of the things I often hear myself saying to people who come to me for intuitive readings is to tap into what I have come to think of as our "inner mother." Our "inner mother" is the one who knows how to take care of people - and the person she knows how to take care of best is YOU. all of us - and men, too - have an "inner mother."
So today, whether you have ten minutes to yourself or ten thousand, find a quiet spot, settle yourself into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and ask your inner mother to come forward and help you to feel her presence. Ask her to turn some of that attention she most frequently turns to others onto YOU. Ask her to show you how to nurture yourself. Listen carefully, because what she may say might surprise you. Ask her to help you take care of YOU.
For all of us who may be raising children or grandchildren, taking care of parents or grandparents, siblings or other dependents, while maintaining healthy adult relationships and juggling a myriad of responsibilities, it's critical that we spend some time nurturing ourselves because, as unique as we are, only we can know exactly what it is we need.
As my very wise father once told me, "Honey, you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself."
i wish all my Gentle Readers a very loving mother's day! please tune in this evening at 6 PM to Discovering Nature's Spirit on blogtalk radio. laura and i will be discussing the Sacred Feminine... call in to join the discussion or to receive a free on-air reading.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
For most people reading this, today is a day for flowers, brunches, long-distance phone calls and family visits. Lots of us will wake up to sticky fingers and sloppy kisses, homemade cards, uncertainly-wrapped presents and maybe even burnt toast.
But what about those of us who don't have such fond memories of our mothers, or those of us for whom Mother's Day is an annual reminder of something we've lost or never had a chance to have? How can those of us with less-than-ideal mother-memories cope, or those of us who've lost kids or find them faraway today? How about those of us who are lonely, and alone?
One of the things I often hear myself saying to people who come to me for intuitive readings is to tap into what I have come to think of as our "inner mother." Our "inner mother" is the one who knows how to take care of people - and the person she knows how to take care of best is YOU. all of us - and men, too - have an "inner mother."
So today, whether you have ten minutes to yourself or ten thousand, find a quiet spot, settle yourself into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and ask your inner mother to come forward and help you to feel her presence. Ask her to turn some of that attention she most frequently turns to others onto YOU. Ask her to show you how to nurture yourself. Listen carefully, because what she may say might surprise you. Ask her to help you take care of YOU.
For all of us who may be raising children or grandchildren, taking care of parents or grandparents, siblings or other dependents, while maintaining healthy adult relationships and juggling a myriad of responsibilities, it's critical that we spend some time nurturing ourselves because, as unique as we are, only we can know exactly what it is we need.
As my very wise father once told me, "Honey, you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself."
i wish all my Gentle Readers a very loving mother's day! please tune in this evening at 6 PM to Discovering Nature's Spirit on blogtalk radio. laura and i will be discussing the Sacred Feminine... call in to join the discussion or to receive a free on-air reading.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Friday, May 8, 2009
i started...
... a new post yesterday because i figured thousand-word thursday would be a good place to start, but i never had a chance to finish it.. it seems i've been THAT busy.
i'm nearly finished the chest of drawers that serves as Beloved's nightstand. i decided not to distress it the way my mother's old dresser and mirror are, but to paint it the darkest shade of green im using in the room, and then to stencil ivy in cream and gray and green on it. i think it will look really nice once im finished.
i finished painting and bought the stencil paint and stencils yesterday. this morning, as soon as it warms up, i'm going out to do the really fun part of refinishing furniture, at least for me - the stenciling and final finish. it feels like its going to be bright and dry today and if so, i'll be able to put a coat of polyurethane on as well.
and then the last piece of furniture i have to deal with is the bed - which is a crazy mish-mash of Beloved's old waterbed headboard and platform and a piece of plywood from home depot we've never gotten around to so much as sanding the edges smooth. i've decided that the place which serves as the Altar of our marriage deserves something a bit more ... put together? is that the word? at any rate, Beloved agrees so the search is now on for a kingsized bed with underbed storage.
the rain was gentle enough yesterday afternoon that i got quite a bit of weeding done. there's plenty of space for the weeds to run rampant all over the place around here - i feel the least they can do is cede me a few flower beds for a few pretty guests who don't necessarily grow wild. and i am careful to devote certain areas to wild-growing weeds with uses - mugwort and yarrow along the drive, for instance, and plantain a little further down, and cinque-foil just about anywhere it wishes - not only does it hug the ground in a most endearing way, it increases the magical force of its neighboring plants five-fold.
Beloved and i had a funny conversation regarding the plantain. "what's that gorgeous plant, with the big broad leaves and the ruby veins," he wanted to know, "those two you planted along the driveway?"
"i didn't plant them," i said. "they just grew, all by themselves."
"they spaced themselves so nicely," he said. "they should stay there."
"i was thinking of letting them be," i answered, mildly surprised. "they'll grow all over that patch though - most people think of them as weeds. but they're the herb i use on baby jake...that's what in the stuff that made his rash get better."
"and they're gorgeous," said Beloved.
now if only i can convince the plantain deva to confine herself to that patch.
and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.
i'm nearly finished the chest of drawers that serves as Beloved's nightstand. i decided not to distress it the way my mother's old dresser and mirror are, but to paint it the darkest shade of green im using in the room, and then to stencil ivy in cream and gray and green on it. i think it will look really nice once im finished.
i finished painting and bought the stencil paint and stencils yesterday. this morning, as soon as it warms up, i'm going out to do the really fun part of refinishing furniture, at least for me - the stenciling and final finish. it feels like its going to be bright and dry today and if so, i'll be able to put a coat of polyurethane on as well.
and then the last piece of furniture i have to deal with is the bed - which is a crazy mish-mash of Beloved's old waterbed headboard and platform and a piece of plywood from home depot we've never gotten around to so much as sanding the edges smooth. i've decided that the place which serves as the Altar of our marriage deserves something a bit more ... put together? is that the word? at any rate, Beloved agrees so the search is now on for a kingsized bed with underbed storage.
the rain was gentle enough yesterday afternoon that i got quite a bit of weeding done. there's plenty of space for the weeds to run rampant all over the place around here - i feel the least they can do is cede me a few flower beds for a few pretty guests who don't necessarily grow wild. and i am careful to devote certain areas to wild-growing weeds with uses - mugwort and yarrow along the drive, for instance, and plantain a little further down, and cinque-foil just about anywhere it wishes - not only does it hug the ground in a most endearing way, it increases the magical force of its neighboring plants five-fold.
Beloved and i had a funny conversation regarding the plantain. "what's that gorgeous plant, with the big broad leaves and the ruby veins," he wanted to know, "those two you planted along the driveway?"
"i didn't plant them," i said. "they just grew, all by themselves."
"they spaced themselves so nicely," he said. "they should stay there."
"i was thinking of letting them be," i answered, mildly surprised. "they'll grow all over that patch though - most people think of them as weeds. but they're the herb i use on baby jake...that's what in the stuff that made his rash get better."
"and they're gorgeous," said Beloved.
now if only i can convince the plantain deva to confine herself to that patch.
and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
ive been hijacked...
... by the Angels. visit me on my other blog. i'll be back here as soon as the Voices stop talking.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
Friday, May 1, 2009
where i've been and what i've been doing
i blinked and the week went by.
on the homefront, Beloved and i are Working Things Out. i'm feeling less bruised and more heard, which is always a Good Thing. i think he's feeling better. we played around this morning with a quiz meg gave me about Love Languages. i'll post the link if she gives it to me, because its a really cute idea that has a lot of validity. she learned about it in one of her classes this semester. the basic idea is that everyone speaks at least one of five "love languages." if you know what yours is - how you communicate and understand love - as well as your partner's - then you can speak each other's "love language."
i took care of baby jake three days this week, and saw him yesterday because yesterday morning when i was taking a break, meg told me that at breakfast, when she asked him what he wanted to do that day, he said, "na-na." and when she said, "no, na-na today," he started to cry and kept saying, "na-na."
so what else can a grandmother do?
bring the kid over, i said, but you have to watch him like a hawk.
i understand why he likes it here. the farmer next door is doing amazing things with big trucks in the fields along the drive. the brooks are babbling, the waterfall is tumbling and there's frogs and snakes and turtles sleeping the sun, not to mention a nest of a least a dozen ducklings. there're rocks to be thrown, sticks to be gathered, puppies to be chased, cookies to be found in three different places. (no wonder steve the ghost doesn't want to leave.)
so yesterday afternoon baby jake ran around in the sun, and i pulled weeds and raked and clipped and dug, and in general tried to address the mess that's running rampant in the gardens. i've got nine more areas yet to do, but the one's i've finished look really nice, if i do say so myself:
this is a large round planter in what i think of as the fairy garden. this year, there's blue forget-me-nots in the center, surrounded by pink coleus and dark pink sweet alyssum. there's a few stray pansies left over from last year that have seeded themselves in it, too, but they're tiny yet.
i've also been refinishing furniture - i finished the bookcase, the mirror and the corner cupboard, and am now working on the small chest of drawers Beloved uses as a bedside table. the bathroom is completely finished but for the mirror - im still toying with the idea of painting a faux stained glass frame around it. but perhaps that's project for another season.
here's a peek at the bathroom... the sink skirt is the same fabric as the shower curtain and the window ruffle. i made them out of curtains i found on clearance at tar-zhay for 12.99 each. i lined them with plain white muslim i found at a consignment shop for 10 cents a yard. i painted the countertop to match the floor and the walls with sponges and paint i got at michael's for ten dollars, tops. the faucet represents our big splurge - $99 at home depot - but i like it and we will use it somewhere else when we redo the bath. so i brightened up my bathroom for less than $200.00 and even if it took longer - okay a LOT longer - than i hoped it would to do it all - i'm really happy with how it turned out.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
on the homefront, Beloved and i are Working Things Out. i'm feeling less bruised and more heard, which is always a Good Thing. i think he's feeling better. we played around this morning with a quiz meg gave me about Love Languages. i'll post the link if she gives it to me, because its a really cute idea that has a lot of validity. she learned about it in one of her classes this semester. the basic idea is that everyone speaks at least one of five "love languages." if you know what yours is - how you communicate and understand love - as well as your partner's - then you can speak each other's "love language."
i took care of baby jake three days this week, and saw him yesterday because yesterday morning when i was taking a break, meg told me that at breakfast, when she asked him what he wanted to do that day, he said, "na-na." and when she said, "no, na-na today," he started to cry and kept saying, "na-na."
so what else can a grandmother do?
bring the kid over, i said, but you have to watch him like a hawk.
i understand why he likes it here. the farmer next door is doing amazing things with big trucks in the fields along the drive. the brooks are babbling, the waterfall is tumbling and there's frogs and snakes and turtles sleeping the sun, not to mention a nest of a least a dozen ducklings. there're rocks to be thrown, sticks to be gathered, puppies to be chased, cookies to be found in three different places. (no wonder steve the ghost doesn't want to leave.)
so yesterday afternoon baby jake ran around in the sun, and i pulled weeds and raked and clipped and dug, and in general tried to address the mess that's running rampant in the gardens. i've got nine more areas yet to do, but the one's i've finished look really nice, if i do say so myself:
this is a large round planter in what i think of as the fairy garden. this year, there's blue forget-me-nots in the center, surrounded by pink coleus and dark pink sweet alyssum. there's a few stray pansies left over from last year that have seeded themselves in it, too, but they're tiny yet.
i've also been refinishing furniture - i finished the bookcase, the mirror and the corner cupboard, and am now working on the small chest of drawers Beloved uses as a bedside table. the bathroom is completely finished but for the mirror - im still toying with the idea of painting a faux stained glass frame around it. but perhaps that's project for another season.
here's a peek at the bathroom... the sink skirt is the same fabric as the shower curtain and the window ruffle. i made them out of curtains i found on clearance at tar-zhay for 12.99 each. i lined them with plain white muslim i found at a consignment shop for 10 cents a yard. i painted the countertop to match the floor and the walls with sponges and paint i got at michael's for ten dollars, tops. the faucet represents our big splurge - $99 at home depot - but i like it and we will use it somewhere else when we redo the bath. so i brightened up my bathroom for less than $200.00 and even if it took longer - okay a LOT longer - than i hoped it would to do it all - i'm really happy with how it turned out.
and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.
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