Tuesday, September 2, 2008

steps in time

an astute Gentle Reader of my Other Blog noticed that i referred to myself as the mother of four daughters - not three. as this Gentle Reader said to me in an email, which i dont think she'll mind if i quote:

"Just last night, while taking Oldest Daughter out to dinner before
sending her off for her last semester of college in L.A., she and New Husband
and I talked about the "step" prefix, and whether it would ever fall away,
after we've been a family for 20 or so years. They didn't think so. Do you
always make the distinction between steps and your own kids?"

well, no... at least i try not to. i prefer not to. i don't like the bifurcation such distinctions cause in families. blended families have so many issues, the last thing everyone needs, i think, is yet another reminder of the blendedness, which, alas, in so many quarters of our culture, equates to broken-ness.

real families, at least as i think of them, are created by bonds of love, not law, and not, certainly, even by shared DNA, especially when i consider how much i love my puppies. and so, i don't like to put in the steps, the dashes, the little signifiers that tell the world we could in some sense be "broken."

because we are not. in our together-ness, we are healed.

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.


Anonymous said...

My step-dad will always be my step-dad but if anyone asks I have two dads...and if people ask him, I'm his daughter...but then he doesn't have any other daughters (or sons) to get confused with...perhaps if I were younger when my parents divorced and Mum met Papa Mike (as I fondly call him) earlier, he'd not have a prefix of Step (it is prefix right...I only woke up ten minutes ago, my brain isn't up to speed yet).
I enjoy reading your blog, I'm currently a writer who is afraid to write...not sure why, possibly its a case of not really having the time to dedicate to writing (I'm starting university soon and don't want to fail in my education for the sake of words that will always be in my head and can be written down later). Its fascinating to read the progress of your work, maybe one day it will inspire me to make time for writing instead of giving into fear.
Blessed Be.


annie kelleher said...

thanks for stopping by and saying hello! i am a writer who doesn't know what to write. :) best of luck to you at your university. writing is one of those things you can put on hold - i didn't start to write seriously until i was 31... at the time i sold my first novel i didn't have so much as a letter to the editor published. but i do encourage you to practice :). i tried to leave a comment for you at your fears post, but alas, the livejournal wanted me to make a new account. :(

A Shade Of Scorpio said...

That's pure and simple Beauty. We're all connected anyway....

My two daughters are halves (both wholly mine) but see each other as whole.

But I love how to bring it down to the puppies. Just another reminder in my early pre-coffee morning, of our relatedness to all.

Walk in the Woods said...

As one who knows no "blood" such distinctions are truly meaningless to me . . . though I certainly see aspects of their insidious "value" to the mainstream social "order."

As such, it reminds me of a recent post on a blog that might be familiar to you . . . the cranky crone. ;)

PlantBuddy said...

Hey, thanks for commenting on my blog. Nice to have you stop by. Yours is interesting, but don't know much about the subject. I'm into The Law of Attraction and positive thinking. Guess it must all be related somehow. Would love to write a book like you did. Congrats.