Thursday, March 20, 2008

fitting in, or thoughts from another blog

a few days ago i happened to read a post that struck a deep chord in me. what's wrong with me, wondered a fellow pixel-in-cyberspace. people don't like me...i'm not fitting in... what's wrong with ME?

it's a question i've struggled with all my life, and, in light of the events of recent weeks, it's a question i'm struggling with again.

so i read this sweet blogger's post and my heart just ached. what's wrong with me, she wondered, her agony palpable. she recounted her struggle with her shadow side, even envied the three faces of eve lady - the one who suffered such horrible abuse as a young child that her ego shattered into multiple personalities.

what's wrong with me, i wondered... the same thing that's wrong with her... not one blessed thing.

in the last year, i have dealt with the repercussions of not fitting in to a very large group among the new age community - and in the process made a real enemy who has done everything she can to actively discredit me. she has destroyed friendships, severed relationships and poisoned quite a few of the people i thought were my friends against me.

the reason she's done this is because i make a choice to do something this person feels is tantamount to the beating of baby whales with bodies of baby seals. for quite a while i felt rejected and upset and wondered what was wrong with me. then i came to realize that this person needs a demon in her life in order to define her own light. before i came along she could demonize the choice. now she has a much more tangible demon on which to project her Shadow. those who are really my friends are able to see through the projection. those who aren't, can't.

what we call our shadow is only our own pain, our own fear - the pieces of ourselves that need the most love. it doesn't need to be improved. it just needs to be loved and accepted. that is the beginning of wholeness, of bliss. that's what sybil couldn't do. that's why she had to sever. what happened to her was so horrific, she couldn't wrap her mind around the idea she could be treated like that. her reaction - like all of us - was what's wrong with ME? and of course there ws nothing wrong with HER - it was the horrific abuse she suffered.

unconditional love for all beings begins when we feed our inner demons with everything they want - when we look at the broken, rejected pieces of ourSelf, not with anger, exasperation or shame, but with love and acceptance.

there's nothing wrong with me, with you, with any of us, really. we are already the perfect manifestation of ourselves. if others can't see that, consider them the ones who are blind.

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.


Stacie said...

I knew something, or many things haven't been right with you lately. Your posts have been fewer, and the ones you have written are sad. I hope you find peace with all the pieces of yourself, and your life.

annie kelleher said...

i hope i do, too. ty for thnking of me :).