become a certified, licensed Pagan Pet Protector today!
i've been thinking about this a lot. apparently a group of atheists have gotten together and are now offering to rescue the pets of christians who intend on being Raptured during the rapidly-approaching End of Days.
the reason it got me thinking was that if i were really intent on simply poofing out to the next dimensional plane of being - which i sort of am, anyways, cause i know im going to die - i'd prefer to know my beloved animals were being cared for, not by the people sitting on the fence in the coming conflagration, but by people on the presumably winning side. after all, no one says the Anti-Christ intends to treat his minions badly.
i know lots of pagans who love animals AND who aren't afraid to declare themselves pentacle-packing members of the Other Side. so, in the spirit of the rampant capitalism we're supposed to buy into, im thinking of launching a competitor for the atheists: PAGAN pet protectors, who, for a nominal fee, promise to rescue any christian pet should the Rapture occur in the next ... oh... some reasonable span of years. maybe we'll open with a special deal good through 12/22/12, and a renewable fee every year or so. i wouldn't want to be accused of bilking the gullible, after all...my goal, like the insurance companies, is to provide peace of mind.
i figure for an even more nominal fee - maybe five bucks - i will certify and license Pagan Pet Protectors as not only animal lovers BUT proud pagans. no loosie-goosie agnostics or atheists for us... only REAL pagans need apply. i don't personally know any christians who are counting on being Raptured either (or maybe they just don't admit such in my presence) but i'm told the Bible Belt is riddled with them.
im sensing Franchise.
and furthermore, the war will end.