browsing the internet, i found a link to a site called "motivation for moms." it's one of those sites that offers daily tips and quips for busy mothers. today's was, and i kid you not: show your kids how much you appreciate them. do something nice for them... take them out for a little treat.
no wonder so many young mothers are bewildered, not to mention exhausted.
the first priority in my house is making sure my children appreciate ME. after all, when the item at the top of the list of "things i do for love of you" reads GAVE YOU LIFE, i think the balance for who is supposed to appreciate whom is squarely on my side of the playing field. most women i know are lousy at taking care of themselves and even lousier at expecting their kids to help them take care of anything, let alone mommy. from the blogs i read, it's pretty clear to me that the idea of telling a kid - leave mommy alone, or help mommy do this or im taking away your tv for the week - hasn't ever occured to them. i've spent nearly a hundred years collectively mothering, and one of the reasons i've been so good at it is because i have taught my children that i have needs too. that's when i show them i appreciate them -not for simply showing up in my life - when they are cooperative, kind and show that they're aware the world does not revolve around them.
so do i disagree in practice for showing my kids i "appreciate" them? no, of course not. my children are products of their age and socioeconomic status, and that means they get given lots. but the standards i hold them to are high, and the expectations i place upon them in terms of time and energy contributed to the collective family coffers is considerable. there's a quid pro quo involved that includes my needs. the degree to which im willing to show them appreciation is on some level the degree to which they've shown me they appreciate me by being cooperative, kind and generally agreeable.
would i be taking my kids out for a treat today? sure, after the chores and homework are done, and mommy's had her nap.