Tuesday, April 22, 2008

advice sought

dear gentle readers and fellow bloggers:

i am in need of some advice regarding a certain person in my life who i am almost certain has morphed from prince to toad. please tell me if you think i am being overly sensitive in this matter.

here is what happened.

lo these many years ago, long before the Person In Question (PIQ) ever met me or even knew how to work a computer, a young receptionist (Q) came to work at the same wall street firm that he did. Q was some 14 or 15 years younger than PIQ is, with dazzling blue eyes, and a pair of boobs - all real - of such enormous proportions you could use them for flotation devices - separately.

they flirted on and off and when PIQ separated from his first wife, and Q separated from her highly abusive ex, they became Friends-with-Benefits. she even told him she didn't want to be his girlfriend. (they both told me this, on separate occasions.) indeed, PIQ could've gone out with Q on that fateful new-years eve we met, but he asked me instead - just to give you some idea of the depth of their involvement. at the time, she lived in another state, and was in the middle of her own messy divorce. after PIQ and i met, she dropped back down to friend status.

within a year or so, Q moved back to the area. i actually liked her. she is - or was - an amazingly beautiful woman, a little shallow but a lot of fun - the quintessential party-hearty girl. when PIQ went to work for another even bigger wall street firm, Q got a job with the same firm, in a different office a couple towns over. what neither of us liked was the way PIQ was an amazingly incredibly insensitive boar when she was around. i remember i said to her once, in tears...im so sorry we can't be better friends. (for example, PIQ would make these embarrassing freudian slips: breast for best... chest for test... shirt for skirt..you get the picture?) she lost her job, asked him for a reference, but blamed him when she didn't get the new job. they didn't part friends.

so..... last night PIQ comes home from meeting New Buddy (NB) and NB tells PIQ how he met this guy who worked with PIQ lo those many years at the bigger wall street firm, and the thing he remembered most about PIQ was that he had "the hottest girlfriend."

and PIQ, who doesnt seem to remember that *I* was his girlfriend at that time, and had been for some time, that Q was NEVER his girlfriend - certainly never in the same sense i was (didn't even WANT to be his girlfriend) - that when they worked at that particular firm, they werent in the same office and no one knew if they hung out on the weekends or even after work on occasion...PLUS *I* was working at the time in a neighboring building, we ate lunch together practically every day...we met each other at each other's offices and were always getting introduced to each other's coworkers....PIQ ASSUMES for some reason known only to him and his god (he admitted that) that the guy NB met is talking about Q and says something to the effect of:

well, no matter how hot Q was, i wouldn't trade annie for anything.

it really hurts me to think that "hottest girlfriend" in PIQ's head doesn't automatically equal me. i know he didn't mean to hurt me and his feelings ARE his feelings, and to his way of thinking, i should feel complimented.

but if HE doesn't understand why im insulted and hurt, do you?

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.


Judy Vars said...

yes!!! men are idiots....mine says I don't like those "high maintenance types"(his old girlfriend looks like Pam Anderson)it makes me feel like an International truck instead of a Ferrari. I want to be one of those "high maintenance types" and really make him suffer.

ravensedge said...

Yes, I completely understand. I'm pretty sure he never will.

Kathy said...

I'd be hurt. Why would NB say something like that unless he assumed you were the hot girlfriend? Why would PIQ have that discussion with you unless he also assumed you were the hottie? The conversation seems immature, boorish, and unkind.
My sister-in-law once told me my husband could do much better than me, but her treatment is going much better now.
I wouldn't think it's the end of the world as you know it, but I think I'd have to have a talk.

Anonymous said...

You're not being overly sensitive...HE"S being overly INSENSITIVE and an ASS! Don't give this guy any more power and forget about him...he's NOT WORTH IT!

annie kelleher said...

my wise friend rose had this to say:

Do I understand the insult and hurt? Yes, I do. To a point. You see . . . when it comes to the sweet boys in our lives, unless their behavior is decidedly intentional or mean-spirited, I cut slack. Sometimes LOTs. Just like remembering the wounds in other assholes--I mean, folks--that wrong me, I remember that boys lack the receptor connections from left to right brain that we do and so, their capacity to process information, especially in dealing with big-pictures, is physiologically out their direct capacity. Poor dears. Plus, boobs seem to just make them . . . well . . . boobs.

So, yeah--given similar circumstances, I would likely feel some degree of insult and hurt as well. And then. . . I would take pleasure in the experience--yet again--of my innate superiority.

Then, I'd laugh.

IRShields said...

I completely understand your hurt. My lovely man does similar things to me quite often. But I completely agree with what your wise friend rose said:)

Patrice said...

Hmmm. Yeah, I think it's hurtful, and I don't think that sensitivity is the strongest point of the PIQ (as you once pointed out to me about him).

But I would say, perhaps in his defense, that when he hears the word "girlfriend," he doesn't think of you. (Hot or otherwise.) Because you are now the lovely, adored, domesticated, wife. So when he thinks of "hot girlfriend" he thinks of women still in that category. Not that he should forget that you were in fact the very hot girlfriend in question!

Men are often not good with dates, bless their hearts.

What would piss me off more is the ongoing reaction to Q. Is she still in the picture somewhere?
And is she the one I met -- a redhead?