a few weeks ago, Beloved asked me over morning coffee if the mailman had left one of the small orange slips that inform us a package is waiting at the post office. when i assured Beloved one had not been left, he said, "hm. maybe it was just a dream."
are you expecting something, i asked, casually as possible. Beloved is always expecting something. he trolls the world via ebay and his enthusiasm, as well as more than a few of his issues, manifest in some rather unexpected and puzzling forms at times.
oh yes, replied Beloved. i'm always expecting something. but this is Something big.
a week or two later, he had another dream - very similiar to the first, about a slip arriving. are you sure, he pleaded with me. it was such a real dream.
im positive, i said. no slips. no packages. no Something big.
a few nights before my birthday, i woke to find Beloved poking through his pockets. that slip came yesterday, didn't it, he said. you showed it to me, right?
no, i said. i didn't.
on my birthday, Beloved was disappointed. that Something big was for you, he said. i hoped it would be here by today. i even dreamed it would be. he went off to work looking vexed and puzzled by the intensity of the dreams. i was so sure it would be here by your birthday, he kept muttering.
in the mail, there was an orange slip.
the Something big turned out to be a sixty lb fluorite* sphere, a polished crystal globe that is now sitting in the middle of my dining room table, dense and gleaming, alien as the landscape of mars, banded with colors that blur from indigo to violet to purple, from deep blue-green, to dark forest-green to pearl.
i realized yesterday i didn't include it as one of my presents and i think i realize why. this isn't something one owns. it isn't mine, any more than the air i'm breathing is mine, or the tree outside my window. it was here long before i was, and will remain when i am gone. i have another crystal globe, a yellow calcite sphere that was melted and reshaped. it's a beautiful object, cosmic, even, its clear depths, but it lacks the energy, the charge of this new one. the yellow calcite feels... cooked. the fluorite feels... alive.
and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.
*with many thanks to my friend opti-mystic over on myspace:
Stone associated with enlightenment and healing on all the three planes – spiritual, mental and emotional. Diminishes stress and aids in spiritual awakening. Cleanses, balances and focuses energies on all levels of chakras. Grounds and protects aura from leakage of energy. On the physical body, it heals ailments of bones. Alleviates arthritis, strengthens bone tissue especially teeth enamel and relieves dental disease. Ancient cure for cancer. Also responds well to hormonal balance and hormonal changes like PMS, menopause. Arouses sexual energy. Quickens healing from pneumonia and viral inflammation.