Friday, August 15, 2008

absence of malice

the terms of my grandmother's will have not made my brother happy. i didn't expect that they would, but my intention was never to keep everything for myself. my brother does not believe this of course, nor does he know that in her later years, my grandmother was quite definite about who she wanted her money to go to (me) and who she didn't want it to go to (anyone else.) she knew, of course, she was setting me up for a potential war... she knew she wouldn't have to deal with it. she hoped, i suppose, that i would prefer to stand upon Dead Principle, than attempt to navigate upon the tides of the feelings of the living.

i wonder if my grandmother really intended that i should be that cruel. did she truly think that i would take it all and hoard it, gloat upon it, dangle it? i guess, on some level, she did... because, after all, that's what she thinks she did.

on the one hand, i think my grandmother must not have really known me, because when all is said and done, and all the slates wiped clean, when the money is mine, i intend to do what i think is right, not what she did.

but on the other hand, i like to think that perhaps there was a part of her that did know, and trusted me to do the better thing, the thing she could not bring herself to do, and so therefore knew she could rely on me to make it right.

at least, i like to think she did.

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.

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