Friday, August 8, 2008

today is the first day...

...of the rest of my life. it dawned with a fitful migraine brought on by the weirdly fluctuating changes in the atmosphere. i'm tired today, but there's work to be done before i go away next week. just about a year ago, i was collecting things to move my grandmother here. today i began the process of dismantling her little apartment.

when my friend lorraine died last year, i experienced the shock of her death as the deepest grief i'd ever felt. so i was not prepared for the profound shock of the loss of my grandmother's presence as i stepped over her threshold, made acute against the backdrop of her things.

the staff came in, one by one, shook my hand, hugged me, told me how she'd been happy, how much they loved her, how much they'd miss her.

i held her pillow to my face and breathed the last of her scent in - ivory soap and dove shampoo and johnson's baby powder. i packed up her pillows, her quilts, her afghans. i brought home one of her nightgowns, some of her sweaters, and all the pictures.

tomorrow she returns to dust.

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.