Thursday, March 5, 2009

secrets from my former life




this is a march-madness-meme, brought to you by the people from sited & blogged. i think the memes are fun, especially when im still a bit woozy from all the migraine medicine.

so here's my secret - i used to be a republican!!!

yes!!! ME!!!

a card-carrying, flag-waving, check-writing,reagan-supporting republican. i was raised by a woman who cried when barry goldwater lost the election in 1964 and am from a family where you didn't come home expecting to eat dinner on election day if you confessed to voting any other way.

the fact that an ardent supporter of the GOP like me - a legacy supporter, if you will, because i grew up listening to my great-grandfather curse the unions and FDR - walked away in disgust should give people still willing to include themselves in the company of Lush Limpball and Caribou Barbie pause to consider.

so what happened? well, a lot happened, but mostly i think it began when i decided i was no longer going to be afraid. of anything. the list started with my soon-to-be- ex husband. but it ended with things like "apocalypse" and "world-wide depression."

the more i grew and studied and allowed myself to become more of who i really am, the less afraid i grew. of everything. including death. at the point i could feel myself beginning to make friends with the Grim Reaper, i started hearing in a new way. i started Listening to what was REALLY being said, by people like Lush Limpball. (i even used to agree with him... may goddess have mercy on my soul.)

and what people like Lush and Caribou Barbie and mccain and cheney (who even came out and said it in a hissy fit tinged with very sour grapes) is to Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. of EVERYTHING.

and that just doesn't cut it for me. i refuse to make decisions or to persuade my leaders to make decisions on a basis of Fear. who knows what's going to happen? who can control it, really? we could all die tomorrow. and all we're supposed to be afraid of could never come to pass. and then what? i've wasted a life time worrying? i don't know about anyone else reading this, but my time in this current incarnation is too valuable. i don't like people who try to threaten me into that dark place again. i spent too much there during my first marriage.

some people may think i live in a fantasy world. i think people who spend their time hectoring others to live in a state of constant anxiety are the ones who're indulging in fantasies, and not nice ones at that.

i don't like people who tell me the Boogeyman might get me. the Boogeyman can't take my heart, my mind, my soul. those things are forever free, and no one has to die so that i can have them, or to preserve my right to them. so what's the worst the Boogeyman can do? kill me? kill my kids?

this is where i find it so interesting that so many so-called conservatives consider themselves Believers in Eternal Life. if you REALLY believe in an afterlife the way i believe in one, then the idea of dying or your children dying, as awful as that idea may be, doesn't scare you quite the way it does if you don't. or it shouldn't - if Jesus really is as close a friend of yours as He is of mine.

thus, i find the GOP sadly riddled with the worst kind of hypocrisy, hijacked by those who would use fear to control me. the party of Limpball and Caribou Barbie is not the party of lincoln and eisenhower.

so that's ONE of my deep dark little secrets. dare to share one of yours, Gentle Readers? ;)
and furthermore, the war WILL end. blessed be.

24 comments:

lisa lind said...

Isn't it amazing how super we feel when we suddenly realize we are more than just human? In fact, knowing our spirits are indestructible frees us from a constant struggle with our mortality...enough so we see things so much differently. Great blog!

lisa lind said...

grr- computers sure can get under my skin...feel free to delete this if it reposts.
Anyway, I was saying: isn't it great when we realize we are so much more than a mere human existence? Once we can grasp the reality that we are indestructible in spirit, it sure can change our perceptions. Did mine. Great blog!

Laura Rose said...

YOU, a republican?! Gee...you think you know a person...::thud::

Dina said...

ooh i like this meme...and it slays me that you were a republican!

TuTu's Bliss said...

Secrets..hmmmmm...I'll think about it but yours is a good one. Hugs

Amy said...

What a great post. I am glad you were able to do what you want to do. That is wonderful. Have a nice evening.

April said...

Annie~
My deep dark secret, huh? Well, I'm one of those conservative Republicans...do you still like me? Sure hope so! :)

Real Live Lesbian said...

Ah well, we all have our pasts! ;)

I used to date boys.

Veggie Mom said...

You? A member of the Party of Rush Limbaugh and Dubya? Never in my wildest imagination. Well, just goes to show ya...it takes all kinds!

Lynette said...

ut oh---you mean you was one of them! LOL well I still am. But what is in a label? I think more we are reasoning thinking beings who all make our own paths.

Love the idea of a secret!

Judy Vars said...

My daughter made the switch. I was so proud of her.

BoufMom9 said...

Funny that you used to be a republican as i used to be a democrat. i had never voted for anyone outside of party lines for YEARS. My parents were Dems my whole life and much as your family was, so was mine :)
For me, it was a different reason to change and as much as I understand where you are coming from, i don't agree with you.

ps Thanks for stopping by my blog today and saying "hi".

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I love that you deep dark secret was that you used to be a republican. Seriously, I was expecting you to reveal former drug or alcohol addictions. HA!

A rebel, that is what you are, with damn good reasons for leaving the GOP.

-Francesca

Kim said...

I'll have to think on mine...

annie kelleher said...

wow - so many commnets, so little time!!!

lisa lind - yes, once we realize we ARE eternal, the world is never the same place.

laura - makes you wonder what ELSE you don't know,,, doesn't it? ;)

dina - you can ask my mother!!!!!

annie kelleher said...

tutu - i want to hear at least one!!!

amy - thank you so much for stopping by!

april - of course i still like you... i still love my parents!!

annie kelleher said...

RLL - you made me spit coffee on my keyboard!

veggie mom - thats why there's so many kinds of popp'rs, right? ;)

lynnette - are you SURE??

annie kelleher said...

boufmom - thanks for saying hi and stopping by!

3 bay B chicks - hahah - you say addiction likes it a bad thing :)

JV - hooray for your daughter!

Kim - i can't wait :)

Mindy said...

Yea!! I have chosen to not live in fear as well. Most of the time anyway. I have to constantly tell Hubby,"What's the worst that can happen? We die? Well we are all going to die someday anyway! And even that's not THE END." When you begin to look at it that way it certainly takes the scary right out of life =)

Lily Wyte said...

I too grew up listening to my dad, and his pals - the arm chair generals - go on about using the bomb in Vietnam, and the evil Commie agenda. But on the other hand there were the older kids I knew who were hippies, saying make love not war, and hop on the peace train. I decided they were more like Jesus than my folks were, and worth emulating. Not when they fell into drugs, but when the movement was fresh and true.

"Caribou Barbie" - too funny!!! Now who could you mean?

Kathy said...

When I read things like this (great!) post, I think of Oliver North's testimony before Congress during the Iran-Contra hearings. I remember he spoke with great paranoid passion, and when asked something (I can't remember what), he said, "The world is a very scary place." I thought, yeah, with you in it, I guess it is.
My world is only as scary as I let it be, I think. And if we act from fear to the point that we close ourselves up, give up personal freedom in favor of security, and cut people off from our compassion, then the bad guys have won without making another move.

john white said...

MY secret? I used to believe what my Government told me.

Not any more.

If we really want a world that our great grandchildren, and their great granchildren, can live in peacefully, then believe nothing and question everything.

The statement:'All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing', is as true now as it's ever been.

Paranoid - Moi?

Juls said...

Such wisdom you have... and I totally agree..anyone who believes in an afterlife shouldn't go around paranoid of what's gonna get them.

Elisabeth said...

Great post and great points!