Thursday, March 5, 2009
secrets from my former life
this is a march-madness-meme, brought to you by the people from sited & blogged. i think the memes are fun, especially when im still a bit woozy from all the migraine medicine.
so here's my secret - i used to be a republican!!!
a card-carrying, flag-waving, check-writing,reagan-supporting republican. i was raised by a woman who cried when barry goldwater lost the election in 1964 and am from a family where you didn't come home expecting to eat dinner on election day if you confessed to voting any other way.
the fact that an ardent supporter of the GOP like me - a legacy supporter, if you will, because i grew up listening to my great-grandfather curse the unions and FDR - walked away in disgust should give people still willing to include themselves in the company of Lush Limpball and Caribou Barbie pause to consider.
so what happened? well, a lot happened, but mostly i think it began when i decided i was no longer going to be afraid. of anything. the list started with my soon-to-be- ex husband. but it ended with things like "apocalypse" and "world-wide depression."
the more i grew and studied and allowed myself to become more of who i really am, the less afraid i grew. of everything. including death. at the point i could feel myself beginning to make friends with the Grim Reaper, i started hearing in a new way. i started Listening to what was REALLY being said, by people like Lush Limpball. (i even used to agree with him... may goddess have mercy on my soul.)
and what people like Lush and Caribou Barbie and mccain and cheney (who even came out and said it in a hissy fit tinged with very sour grapes) is to Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. of EVERYTHING.
and that just doesn't cut it for me. i refuse to make decisions or to persuade my leaders to make decisions on a basis of Fear. who knows what's going to happen? who can control it, really? we could all die tomorrow. and all we're supposed to be afraid of could never come to pass. and then what? i've wasted a life time worrying? i don't know about anyone else reading this, but my time in this current incarnation is too valuable. i don't like people who try to threaten me into that dark place again. i spent too much there during my first marriage.
some people may think i live in a fantasy world. i think people who spend their time hectoring others to live in a state of constant anxiety are the ones who're indulging in fantasies, and not nice ones at that.
i don't like people who tell me the Boogeyman might get me. the Boogeyman can't take my heart, my mind, my soul. those things are forever free, and no one has to die so that i can have them, or to preserve my right to them. so what's the worst the Boogeyman can do? kill me? kill my kids?
this is where i find it so interesting that so many so-called conservatives consider themselves Believers in Eternal Life. if you REALLY believe in an afterlife the way i believe in one, then the idea of dying or your children dying, as awful as that idea may be, doesn't scare you quite the way it does if you don't. or it shouldn't - if Jesus really is as close a friend of yours as He is of mine.
thus, i find the GOP sadly riddled with the worst kind of hypocrisy, hijacked by those who would use fear to control me. the party of Limpball and Caribou Barbie is not the party of lincoln and eisenhower.
so that's ONE of my deep dark little secrets. dare to share one of yours, Gentle Readers? ;)
and furthermore, the war WILL end. blessed be.