Saturday, August 8, 2009

hello, darkness, my old friend

i woke up in tears this morning. the air was as sharp as hecate's breath - autumn's in the wind. this year, summer's been more elusive than sweet, and feels more fleeting than ever.

why are you crying, asked Beloved.

i don't know, i answered, as i fled. men can be wonderful for a lot of things but when i want unconditional comforting, there's nothing like a dog.

for more than an hour i cried, while sam and buddy licked my face and snuggled close and howled softly right along with me. at some point it occured to me i was crying exactly the way a child cries, and that what i was crying about were all the things over which i'd had no control.

i wasn't there when my great-grandfather decided to put the house smack on the corner of one of the busiest intersections in ocean city. i wasn't alive when all the emotional sturm und drang that created the situation that led to my parents' divorce went on. i wasn't responsible when my grandmother was allowing the place to fall into ruin.

at some point i recognized that all the things i'm upset about ... aren't things anyone can do anything about. to paraphrase gerard manley hopkins, it's annie i mourn for.

and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.

5 comments:

Lynette said...

sometimes we just need a good cry
wish i could do it
but alas
no

Patrice said...

There's a beautiful setting of that poem to music by Ned Rorem.

I'm sorry you're sad but I'm glad you got it out.

As Lynette said, sometimes a good cry is good for the soul.

Martha said...

I am glad your pups were there to comfort you. ((Hugs)) and Blessings. You've been through alot this last year and months.

Amy said...

Hoping things get better. But I really do think it is good to cry.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Gentle hugs, sweet prayers and a cup of tea.