pardon my rant

i woke up this morning cranky and annoyed. the last weekend of the summer before labor day is the last weekend i want to spend at the shore. the last sunday of the summer before labor day is the last sunday i want to spend driving home.

the reason my grandmother's funeral had to be scheduled on this weekend of all weekends is because my mother has Plans for labor day weekend, and the weekend AFTER labor day is too late.

for what, i inquired.

it's just too late, she repeated. now the priest says the funeral has to be at ten.

that's too early, i said. i have a workshop to give on thursday night that's been advertised. i can't change the date. i will have to come down friday morning - through rush hour traffic around new york. ten am is too early.

well, that's when he says it has to be, declared my mother with all the definiteness of One Who Knows the Lord is on Her Side.

and so, at my mother's behest and the insistence of the catholic church, i find myself in the position of having to go tearing like a madwoman down to the jersey shore on what will possibly be the most crowded weekend of the summer, in order to crawl home in what will most likely be the worst traffic of the summer.

on monday, meg's classes begin, and baby jake will be here, bright and early. libby begins school next week, the house is torn apart, and the dust from the sheet-rocking is everywhere. my elbow is refusing to make itself better at any rate faster than a snail's. the beds at my mother's left my neck feeling like a crinkled piece of paper.

tuesday i spent half an hour dealing with my mother's madness over the fact the obituary wasn't going to be published until today. what difference does it make, i asked. everyone who matters knows she's dead.

it's too late, my mother insisted.

for what, i asked, genuinely bewildered.

it just is, she said before she started to cry.

this morning the bach flower essence that leapt into my hand was OAK - the essence that "allows the naturally strong to take a break rather than struggle on without rest." i added IMPATIENS - the remedy that "helps you deal with people or situations with good humor rather than impatience or irritability."

i meditated this morning for a few brief, grounding and splendid moments. i realized that i have everything at hand to do what i need to do today. how i choose to do these things is up to me. from essence of oak, may i draw my strength. from essence of flower, may i draw sweetness.

and furthermore the war must end. blessed be.