Sunday, July 5, 2009

tea & sympathy

i went to lunch today with a friend who was kind enough to reach out to me after i was forced to end my previous association.

it's good to know i'm not the only one who noticed certain things were odd, to say the least and that there WAS a definite lack of consistency between what was said and what was done, that didn't go entirely unnoticed. there WAS a pattern of passive malice and deceit. it's good to be reassured that inside every person who identifies as a victim is a bully waiting to be unleashed.

the brighter the light, after all, the darker the shadow.

a few years ago, as some Gentle Readers may recall, i lost the person i considered my best friend in all the world, the person who - except for possibly Beloved - knew me for exactly who i am and liked me in spite of it, who walked with me through some of the darkest days of my life. it was a loss from which i continue to learn many things, not the least of which was not to take any friendship - from the most casual to the most intense - for granted.

on the other hand, my first marriage taught me not to tolerate abusive behavior, especially from someone who tells me she loves me.

i realize im still learning to tell the difference.

the sun is setting, visibly, for what feels like the first time in weeks, the air feels crisp and clear as fall. the pond is bathed in a deep well of shadow, the zen garden is weeded and freshly boraxed.

i like the way i've turned my desk to give myself a view of the ponds. already i've noticed a coyote slinking around the water's edge, unseen even by buddy, and watched an eagle plummet with talons outstretched to snatch up a flopping bass.

i have a workshop to prepare for next sunday's writers' retreat, i have an offer of new office space. Beloved had a wonderful conversation with his mother - they're forcing her to take her medicine and - by golly, surprise, surprise - it's making her feel MUCH better. (anyone who thinks drugs don't work just hasn't found the right combination.)

i sure hope they keep giving her the happy juice, Beloved said, when he related the conversation.

i sure hope so, too.

from the other room, i hear the baseball fans cheering - someone on the yankees just did something great.

it feels like god's in his (her) heaven... and maybe - just maybe - all's getting just a teensie bit better with the World.


blueviolet said...

This makes me happy and sad. I'm happy that you did the right thing for YOU but sad that it had to happen.

Stacie said...

an eagle and a coyote in your backyard.....that's awesome!!!

Walk in the Woods said...

Ahhh ... the dynamic dance of life ... no matter which way we turn, that damned-and-wonderful partner is there to give us another spin. Sometimes its pure joyous fun ... sometimes we puke.


I dunno ... my fingers just move on the keyboard ... I don;t fight it ...


Hi! I'm Grace said...

Aww, life. :(
Thanks for sharing your story to us, Annie.

Femin Susan said...

Thanks for sharing your story to us...

Amy said...

Wow it is sad to learn a hard lesson. But then we look back and we are kind of glad we went through it to know we do not want to do it again.

Kathy said...

I'm glad the happy juice is working. I hope the sun keeps shining a while longer.

Aunt Julie said...

Well-said! Listen, I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Aunt Julie, Veggie Mom's SIL. Veggie is retiring today as the proprietress at Eat Your Veggies! today, and I'm stepping in. I realize I have really BIG shoes to fill, but I'm up to the challenge. Please come by and wish Veggie a fond farewell on her last post. Look forward to seeing you over at my new place!

Martha said...

Your wonderful post reminds me of something I learned from a lovely book, "What You Think Of Me is None of My Business". (one of fav book titles btw.) Everyone we meet is either a lover or teacher, sometimes both.
Best to your Beloved's Mom. Sigh and thank god for meds. xx