today i woke up to a kidless house. libby left with meg last night, to see a midnight showing of twilight the movie, leaving Beloved and me alone with the puppies. not much is different this morning - certainly there've been other kidless mornings over the long course of my career as chief-mommy-in-charge.
what is different is my acute awareness that this is the direction my life is headed. at this point, i've been a mother longer than i was not a mother, and my collective years spent mothering now number 87. what will i do and who will i be when i no longer need to draw on this prodigious experience on a daily - even hourly - basis?
it boggles my mind so much that most times when i start to think of it, i can feel myself veer off course, dismissing it as a kind of unreality. and yet, i know a lot of people before whose houses the school bus doesn't stop.
and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.
5 comments:
do you want my child for a little while if you are feeling lonely (LOL). I had some plans today and my sitter just cancelled because her kid is sick.
LOLOL ... maybe thats what i will do... run play groups!!!!
That must be a typo -- surely you can't have been a mother for 87 years!!
I've often observed how intense the mothering years are (particularly when toddlers are involved) and now I can see how different the child-free years are. I propose a time-travel arrangement -- one week on, one week off. You get a week of appreciating how incredibly engaging and wonderful and exhausting they are, and then go back to serenity and missing them.
of course i would love for you to blog about that..and more..you know I need help (LOL)
Mother transforms to Crone ... Even as I am childless in the conventional sense, I feel the essence of your words.
Baby Jake is doubtless playing a pivotal role in this transformation.
That's all I got ...
Other than: I will dance this mystery dance with you. My music might be different from yours, but the joys and challenges may still be shared in a pirouette or two. ((hugs))
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