Tuesday, February 10, 2009

weighing in on the octoplets

according to the maternal grandmother of the hapless octoplets who the good people of california are now supporting (along with their six siblings), the mother "doesn't know what she's doing."

i have to say i agree. the mother clearly has what my kids and i call Issues. serious ones, that deserve some sort of treatment, and i'm sure the good people of california are going to provide that, too.

on the other hand, i think that what this story really exposes is how cavalier we are about the health of the mother in question. no woman should have fourteen babies in seven years.

why didn't her health care providers counsel her that having even six babies in seven years wasn't healthy? for the mother?

i have what many consider a large family. i like babies. but i had those babies over a period of 13 years - with an average of over 3 years between each child. and why'd i do it that way?

for ME. i don't care whether kids like each other. i don't care whether siblings feel close. as the person who is ultimately responsible for the whole kit and kaboodle, what i really cared about was how *I* was going to survive. and i knew - from helping out with my two youngest siblings (after having unsuccessfully snuffed the next in line) - just how hard a baby is to care for. i knew how much patience a toddler requires. i knew how much energy all children demand. i understood that their bones were coming from my bones, their flesh was being forged out of my flesh. and my flesh and bones need ME to take care of them...cause no one else is.

this woman isn't a good mother. this woman is a selfish, thoughtless idiot (can i be much clearer) who obviously has no clue as to how to care for her children because she doesn't know how to take care of herself. she put her need to have a big family before her ability to take care of them and the people who are really at fault are the doctors who participated.

did not one of them sit her down and say, "but, honey, what about your teeth? your bones? your body?" no, obviously, they didn't. they dismissed that piece... and justified it by saying it's her choice. it should never have been her choice, because someone with more brains and more sense should've said, "no, honey, it's not good for YOU."

i feel sorry for the grandmother. i feel sorry for the kids. i feel sorry for the good people of california who are now footing - and will continue to foot - the bills. but let's not call her a mother. she's a bigger baby with more needs than her own newborns. and let's haul all the medical people who particpated in this farce onto the carpet and ask them where they got their ideas about maternal health.

out of a crackerjack box, i suspect.


Dina said...

i can't add much more than to say i totally agree...and she obviously did this for noteriaty since she is being interviewed all over the place....uuughhh, i haven't watched any of it, she doesn't deserve my attention

Walk in the Woods said...

I thought about her physical health, but dismissed quickly it as *her* choice. What hit me is how cavalier "we" are about bringing new life into our world ... and all that that potentially means.

But your words connected something that I was missing ... I know "we" don't honor women in our social mainstream, that the feminine divine is - at best, dismissed and at worst, denied. I know that health and wellness (such as it is ::rolls eyes::) is centered around that other *gender.* But I digress ...

We don't honor women ... nor do we honor the miracle of birth that women make possible ... we pretend to, yet children all to often manifest as the result of some external expectation, or consequence to a moment of passion (or stupidity), or - like in this case - blind avarice.

We are a society of consumers. Blind consumers. Children, sadly, are all too often nothing more than a commodity. We have forgotten that children are Our legacy, Our future, Our hope ... Our dreams.

What ARE we dreaming?

(or maybe I'm just feeling especially cynical today...)

In any event ... Ladies ... let's keep waking each other up ... and let's bring this world back into balance. Ashe.

Lynette said...

I so agree. It is the children who will suffer. It is not fair to them.

Spirit said...

I have to say this; and many would not agree with me. However, when you give responsibilty to the state and others to raise your children I think you should forego some of the "choice" involved in having said children. why should others be burdened with the consequences of other peoples irresponsible choices.

Martha said...

Right On! Thank you so much for this great post. My Ob/gyn MD told me it takes a minimum of two years to rebuild your calcium and iron stores after pregnancy/breastfeeding. The woman is a whackadoodle, more of a brood mare than human. Oh, wait, mares rarely give birth to more than one foal!! I have a feeling Child Protective Services will be keeping on eye on this situation and even place the children in foster care at some point.

April said...

I couldn't agree more! It's complete craziness! I, too, feel very sorry for the children and the grandmother. I can't wrap my brain around having that many kids under the age of 7! Will they ever have someone who'll love them...REALLY love them, and spend one-on-one time with them? I have to wonder.

Nessa said...

I agree that this woman has some serious issues! And all those poor kiddos are the ones who will suffer. I also agree that her medical care providers need a good slap across the face!

I have not kept up with this too much, but am baffled as to how she could pay for all these medical procedures. I had two kids the old fashioned way and it was expensive, I can't imagine how much implanting embryos would cost.


The Mindful Chef said...

Bless her, Goddess and give her the strength to recover from her birthing, the support to care for her brood and the wisdom to keep this from ever happening again.

I'm tring very hard to be non judgmental about this, but come on!
What kind of idiot Dr thought this was a good Idea. The state of California should take that Dr to court for Malpractice!

Patrice said...

I completely agree that she's not all there. And what's with those LIPS? She's getting collagen injections to enhance all her TV appearances??

But -- I hesitate to let the state tell us we MUST have children, and I hesitate to let the state tell us we MUST NOT.

There are a lot of people who really don't have the resources to raise kids in a way many of us think appropriate. But the right to reproduce is so fundamental to human rights, I would never tell a poor woman she can't have a child. Do I get to tell her how many? Clearly, this is too many -- the woman is nuts. But who gets to decide? Six is okay, but seven is not? If you are Mormon, 8 is okay, but if you are on welfare, 2 is too many?

I am very wary of the government getting into such decisions.

They already tell us what we can do with our bodies too much for my taste.

rightonmom said...

I'm so with you on this. She acted totally irresponsible and like you said, selfish. She needs help.
And those docs? No words for that.

Great blog.

Kat said...

I won't even get started on some of the comments. Politically correct I am NOT, especially at this moment on this subject.

But I do agree with your thoughts on the matter.

Little miss Wannabe Angelina is a serious wackadoo that doesn't believe anything she receives is "welfare" - its just programs for people with needs like she has.

Sorry I've already said too much. Forgive me.

Mindy said...

I don't watch the news anymore, heck I don't even watch TV anymore! So I didn't know anything about this lady until my son's teacher said something about it yesterday. CRAZY!! This is just plain old crazy... And NOT for me in any way! Two kids and a Hubby are enough for me =)

Shades of Scorpio said...

I really dislike when I have judgmental opinions...but.....

in this day and age my personal feelings (and anyone is free to disagree) is that we need to be more prudent with our birthing rights. Have a kid! Have two! But does it make sense when we are trying to reign in our country, our own planet, to do any more than replace the mother and the father? I know its probably not a popular opinion but we need a sustainable situation and are trying to find one now. Having umpteen kids and fertility treatments when you already have six kids is just IMHO, not thinking about the big picture. I don't want to begrudge anyone the right to reproduce but a little forethought nowadays is in demand.

Patti Gibbons said...

The docs pretty much took her money (weren't they all in-vitro?) and didn't care about the rest. A very sad commentary on our culture. Again, another instance of take the money and turn a blind eye. They (the docs) should be made to pay for those kids, not the state, or the tax payers.

Anonymous said...

I have tried not to be judgmental about this woman, however I am having a hard time understanding how a woman with no job; 6 kids age 7 & under - 3 of which have special needs; who lives with her parents, and whose mother who has to take care of her grandchildren, can possibly think about having 8 more children. And she says she is going to work & going to finish school. (So..who gets to be at home & change at least 11 sets of diapers? That in itself could be a full time job.)
This woman does not just have issues, she has a subscription.

Allison said...

That Anonymous comment was from me.

Judy Vars said...

It is impossible to imagine all those people in that small space it's inhumane! The woman looks like she may have had her lips plumped up to look exactly like Angelina. She is eating up the attention. It is apparent she has issues. She paid for it with some kind of $160,000 settlement. But that dosen't cover the hospital expenses. What kind of doctor would do this for a woman with so many problems?
Just when you think you've heard everything, she'll be on the cover of the Enquirer soon.

Kim said...

I so agree. And physically it takes three years inbetween births for the body to recover I learned at herb fest last year. And birthing children does not make a mother its all the choices that lead up to that moment and all the ones that come after that moment. This whole story just annoys me for so many reasons.

Femin Susan said...

I agree with you you. the children are the ones who suffer.It is not fair of them.

Mama Krit said...

The thing I don't understand is why is this still news? Why is she getting so much attention? There are plenty of other news worthy events, children starving, genocides in other nations, and even stories of true tribulations.

There are plenty of women who are on medi-cal and have child after child after child. They are not in the news, no one gives them attention, or makes them personalized webpages for donating money. It's ridiculous.

The thing that gets me here though, is the careless attitude in regards to assisted pregnancies. Some women go through hell (and their bank accounts) to try and get pregnant. I don't understand why these doctors didn't feel a social, or moral obligation here to do as you said, say, "this isn't good for you" or even "this isn't good for any mom," especially one who can't take care of he 6 kids she already has.

She has, along with her doctors, made a joke out of motherhood and a joke out of large families. It's a shame. There are so many children who can't be taken care of by their families, children who lack love and attention and financial support, and hey, now there are 8 more of them!