Sunday, June 14, 2009

setting boundaries

a few days ago, i found myself in earnest conversation with someone i used to think i knew quite well, and heard this person defend her own hurtful behavior by saying "i think it's healthy to have boundaries."

well, yes, of course it's healthy to have boundaries. if you're dealing with delinquent teenage stepsons, for example, it's very healthy to have boundaries. on the other hand, when the person on the other side of the boundary tells you your boundary is hurting her, and that person happens to be a dear friend, then you have ask yourself why the boundary is there in the first place.

or, rather, the other person should start to wonder why she's sitting there, being hurt.

and furthermore, the war will end. blessed be.

4 comments:

Martha said...

There is a huge difference between boundaries and being hurtful and it's a shame that folks hide behind pyschobabble to defend their boorishness.
Sorry, Annie.
I am learning when folks treat me badly, it's a gift that they are showing me how they really feel. Sad but true.

Walk in the Woods said...

I've said this before and I'll say it again ... I understand the concept of boundaries ... I was raised and indoctrinated in the so-called need and purpose of them. Yet I don't really believe in them anymore and I tire of hearing the word. It's a word that raises my hackles.

In the past year I played a very conscious game with mySelf where I stripped myself of the boundaries I had perceived as "protective" ('cause they weren't workin'!) and allowed the "poison" to Be with Me, flow through Me, and back into the world - transformed. I was, to be candid, surprised by the outcome. In a very positive way.

For a long time I've been saying -to myself and others, let the energies Flow ... don't block them by these so-called boundaries ... and each day I realize another layer of wisdom in this choice of mine.

This is not to say that I don't manifest my Own time and my Own space ... I Do. But this time-n-space, like life itself is organic and maliabele and ever-changing. For me this resonates.

Boundaries are static ... time and space is not.

Oh ... I could go on ... but this is Your blog, not mine! ((hugs))

(and what's up with word verification = trout ?)

Lynette said...

bounderies are healthy but poor manners are just bad.
yeah so is that a friend?

Martha said...

I need to have Walk in the Woods explain to me the difference between her Own Space and Time and boundaries. Sounds like there is baggage associated with that term for her.
Boundaries are elastic, fluid, and dynamic if properly cared for. Nothing the matter with protecting yourself, it truly is the animal instinct and one we should honor, not fear. I can be open because I know where my boundaries are. I can be free because I accept my limits, I am not defined by them.