Thursday, May 22, 2008

the risks of writing

this morning, the first blog i read happened to be from one of my aol friends (LGVernon) announcing the publication of her first novel TOMORROW. (The Wilderness Road - set in the post-Civil War West - i have to order a copy for my mother the civil war buff.)

although she's proud and happy, she's also mostly scared. that's how i felt when my first novel was published - as though i'd taken all my clothes off and was dancing naked on a billboard. i can't say that feeling has ever gone completely away. each story demands that i strip away another layer, peel off another piece, mine another vein. the process of writing has taken me deeper and further into my own unconscious than i have ever wanted to go.

it is the doorway for everything else, so the compensations are great. but it is always an act of courage for me, on some level, to write, because i never really know what demons will rise, what monsters will creep, what truth will inevitably spill its guts across the screen.

just yesterday, the first bisexual character i have ever created stepped out of the shadows and into the story. it is the first time this piece of myself stands so revealed. my bisexuality is not something i ever talk about - to anyone, anywhere. it's always there, i think, in the way my left-handness is there - but most people don't notice. or maybe it's just i don't think they do. :)

and furthermore, the war must end. blessed be.

1 comment:

Stacie said...

i do not fear my unconscious for myself, but i do fear what those i love would think. although my hidden secrets and truths have nothing to do with my sexuality, they would be just as shocking to some people in my life. lucky for me i'm not planning to publish my monsters and demons...yet. i do wonder if i'd have the courage....