the newfound stability in my life meant that i had time and energy to focus on things that really mattered to me - my writing, my intuitive abilities and my family and friends. it also meant i had lots of time to cook, to make big meals, and to indulge my passion for baked goods.
slowly, the combination of sloth, a highly sedentary occupation, and a love of comfort food began to show. like a cold-water phobe easing into deeper water, i let ten pounds, then fifteen, then twenty creep on. then my hormones began to go haywire. it took five years, but finally, i decided i had to do something differently, i thought. but what?
i figured i had to begin with food. along the way, intermittently, i'd tried all sorts of various diets. i used a combination of weight watchers and rigorous exercise to shed my baby weight ... i topped out with libby at 196 and was 116 at my lowest six years later. i didn't want to be that rigorous and i didn't like the idea of a "diet." i wanted to find something i could stick to the rest of my life - that was flexible and forgiving and allowed me to eat as much as the stuff i could intuitively tell was good for me, and avoid all the stuff i could intuitively tell was bad.
the more i developed my intuition, the more i could taste the metallic aftertastes in such highly processed foods as diet soda and soy milk. i've always been a picky eater - certain foods, like tomato sauce, simply look too much like blood for me to enjoy. anything like a fish that resembles too closely what it was in life on my plate, i can't bear... i've never been able to eat a chicken leg, for example, though white meat goes down just fine - on my plate it doesn't resemble any recognizable part of a living chicken. forget whole fish and lobster. i also can't stand the taste of any kind of cheese - although it's only the kind with the stinky molds growing on them im really allergic to. i don't have much of a sweet tooth, either... it's salty things i crave.
but just as i was walking a spiritual path, i was also walking a physical one and it seemed as fraught with pitfalls as any purgatory. i tried a lot of "diets" and "programs." i listened and watched my friends. the most frustrating piece of all was the way some things that seemed to work for my friends DID work for me, but then there were others that didn't.
it was the same with all the books and internet information i found. some stuff worked, some stuff didn't. some stuff that was recommended tasted so foul i decided only a demon masquerading as a chef could've concocted it out of some hateful jealousy of our ability to enjoy food.
so there i was... five years later, thirty pounds heavier... staring into my refrigerator... wondering... what the f@#$k am i supposed to eat?
to be continued...
and furthermore, the war WILL end. blessed be.