Sunday, January 25, 2009

eating the angel way.. part two

the newfound stability in my life meant that i had time and energy to focus on things that really mattered to me - my writing, my intuitive abilities and my family and friends. it also meant i had lots of time to cook, to make big meals, and to indulge my passion for baked goods.

slowly, the combination of sloth, a highly sedentary occupation, and a love of comfort food began to show. like a cold-water phobe easing into deeper water, i let ten pounds, then fifteen, then twenty creep on. then my hormones began to go haywire. it took five years, but finally, i decided i had to do something differently, i thought. but what?

i figured i had to begin with food. along the way, intermittently, i'd tried all sorts of various diets. i used a combination of weight watchers and rigorous exercise to shed my baby weight ... i topped out with libby at 196 and was 116 at my lowest six years later. i didn't want to be that rigorous and i didn't like the idea of a "diet." i wanted to find something i could stick to the rest of my life - that was flexible and forgiving and allowed me to eat as much as the stuff i could intuitively tell was good for me, and avoid all the stuff i could intuitively tell was bad.

the more i developed my intuition, the more i could taste the metallic aftertastes in such highly processed foods as diet soda and soy milk. i've always been a picky eater - certain foods, like tomato sauce, simply look too much like blood for me to enjoy. anything like a fish that resembles too closely what it was in life on my plate, i can't bear... i've never been able to eat a chicken leg, for example, though white meat goes down just fine - on my plate it doesn't resemble any recognizable part of a living chicken. forget whole fish and lobster. i also can't stand the taste of any kind of cheese - although it's only the kind with the stinky molds growing on them im really allergic to. i don't have much of a sweet tooth, either... it's salty things i crave.

but just as i was walking a spiritual path, i was also walking a physical one and it seemed as fraught with pitfalls as any purgatory. i tried a lot of "diets" and "programs." i listened and watched my friends. the most frustrating piece of all was the way some things that seemed to work for my friends DID work for me, but then there were others that didn't.

it was the same with all the books and internet information i found. some stuff worked, some stuff didn't. some stuff that was recommended tasted so foul i decided only a demon masquerading as a chef could've concocted it out of some hateful jealousy of our ability to enjoy food.

so there i was... five years later, thirty pounds heavier... staring into my refrigerator... wondering... what the f@#$k am i supposed to eat?

to be continued...

and furthermore, the war WILL end. blessed be.

17 comments:

Shades of Scorpio said...

BEAUTIFUL layout!!!!! OMG - I haven't sat down to look at any blogs in a few days...I love it! It's GORGEOUS!!!!

The last line - ha ha...that's our daily life!!! Well, I can be fine with my whole foods....little girlie gets bored - no soy, corn, meat, dairy, wheat, tomatoes for her. I'm no dairy, meat or wheat. I enjoy my food tremendously but little kids have to see the kid at lunch who comes equipped with a Little Debbie.

Laura Rose said...

a sign of a gifted story teller...always leave them wanting more!! :) by the by the word verification for this very comment is 'bookly' do you think the angels are at play???

Granny Annie said...

I'm awaiting the outcome of this great story. I'm sure it will end with you quite skinny.

Wonder how many other Granny Annie's there are out there? We are very special people you know.

boxofficegirl said...

Weight has always been an issue for me too. I could lose it to have children but once they were here it was as though I wasn't worth making the effort for.

Your Angel posts have touched a chord with me and made me think again.

Kim said...

Your posts have come at a perfect time. I've been trying to stick to the angel way and listening to my own intuition. I know what feels good and right for my body - I just need to do it. I'm back to journaling again and walking regularly and I feel so much better. I can't wait to read the rest of the story.

Carolyn G said...

Have you decided what to eat?

Okay I feel the same way you do. Except instead of 30 pounds creeping in, I have to admit my is much more. UGH!

Mama Krit said...

What a great post! You have a real gift for writing. :) Can't wait for part 3!

Lea said...

Hi Annie! I picked up your button the first time I read your blog!!! Do I still get the three extra entries?? :) Lea

Martha said...

Thanks for sharing the insight into the mind/body connection. I'm looking forward to the outcome.

Lynette said...

I would say what ever we want.
If I listen to my body it tells me what I am really hungry for.
The issue is can I afford good healthy food?

Divaeva said...

I am someone with huge weight issues (just one of my many issues really *g*)- I have been on every diet you can imagin and probably lost over 1,000 pounds in my life time. I truely enjoying reading about your journey and I am sure it will help me with my new healthier life changes. Thank you! <3

Patrice said...

Somehow my intuition tells me... there's a book about food in your future!

I can't wait to hear the rest.

Veggie Mom said...

LOVE the new look! Jeez, I disappear for a couple of days, and look what happens. And this story is incredible..can't wait for the end! What's the verdict on Pop'rs at your place? Please let me know! And I'm going to send you interview questions, I promise...but I've misplaced your e-mail. Could you send it to me, please? veggiemom@poprs.com Thanks!

Judy Vars said...

Thanks for telling us about angel eating. I like your new blog design.

Juls said...

Here's my comment... Hope you're having an awesome day. :-)

Kathy said...

I can't eat food that looks back at me either. Whole fish is bad enough, but once I went to a barbeque in which the pork was served in a pig wearing a hat and sunglasses. Don't get me started about a pig-pickin'.

Cheese, on the other hand, is my favorite food. Except the stinky lava cheese I tried once.

Bonnie said...

Okay I thought this is where I left off the other day, but no, I had to go back and read part one. Work has been crazy and kept me away for a few days. Can't wait to catch up on the rest.