Thursday, January 1, 2009

what im grateful for this year

i thought the best way to begin the year i turn 50 is with a list of all things im grateful for... up to now.

1. my health. it's occured to me that i have reached a marvelous plateau in my life - everything still works, and nothing's falling apart yet. things may take longer to get better - the elbow injury i got in mixed martial arts class in june sidelined me all year and totally frustrated my plans to get back into Shape - but for the most part, my physical body and all its myriad abilities is one blessing i have always endeavored to appreciate. my intention this year is to Pay More Attention and to tend to my body's needs with the attitude of loving-kindness - not because i'm afraid i might get sick, but because i understand how finite, how fragile andhow precious this state of being really is.

2. my Beloved. what should i do if i really want to succeed as a writer, i remember someone asking at a workshop once. marry someone who believes in your talent the way you do, the presenter answered at once. i remember joining in the general snicker that swept through the audience. i certainly didn't do that the first time (and neither had most of the audience) but who says mistakes can't be rectified? it isn't always easy being married to someone who's a cross between SuperBoy and Gomez Addams, but the passion, inspiration and support that Beloved has always given to my writing continues to dazzle me. for his presence - thirteen years now - in my life, i will be forever grateful. my intention this year is to continue to nurture our relationship by... Paying Attention.

3. my children. healthy, oppositional, independent, stubborn, intelligent... they are everything i want them to be. my intention for them this year... is to Pay Close Attention. 'nuff said.

4. my grandmother's death. i'm actually starting to miss the old bird. she's been gone long enough now that if she were alive i'd be starting to think i should be visiting her. this is the first christmas without her, without the burden of trying to cajole her into a good time. whenever i start to miss her, all i have to do is remember how mean she was and i feel a lot better she's gone. but she was a Force To Be Reckoned With... and she taught me many things without realizing it... like how not to live. she helped me realize that while most of us come to this world to shine our Light, there seem to be some who come to show their Shadow. and maybe these, ive wondered on more occasion, are the truly Great ones... who come to be hated and reviled, who come to show the depths of the darkness that dwells within us all. and so while i am grateful for her lessons, i am still thankful for her death. i have a sense of getting out of school - it took me nearly fifty years (and i like to think im smart) - and maybe i still don't fully understand the Lesson... but for me, this particular grade is finally over.

5. my friends. i've never had a lot of friends - im not a terribly sociable person. there's one Gentle Reader of this blog who's been gamely inviting me to things for YEARS. i think one day im going to have to surprise her and actually show up. prying me out of my house on a cold dark night is increasingly rare and on warm ones, well, i like to listen to the peepers sing. but through the darkest hours of my life, i've always been blessed to have friends, good friends, true friends, the kind you cherish, walking by my side. my intention for this year going forward is to Pay More Attention - to follow up with phone calls and emails immediately, not set it aside in my head - im terribly absentminded and if i think about doing something, sometimes that means i think i've done it. if you think its bad for friendships, you should see the havoc it wreaks around things like billpaying.

6. the life i have managed to create. when i was in high school, an english teacher asked us to write a vision statement of where we thought we'd be in 30 years. i live beside the shores of a scottish loch, surrounded by woods and hills and countryside, i remember writing. there's hardly anyone for miles around... i have two dogs, three horses and the boy from the village brings me my mail every Thursday. thirty years later, i live beside two ponds in a latitude more northerly than where i was, with two dogs and three cars. there's no boy from the village, of course, but Beloved does bring home the mail when he remembers to get it. my intention this year is to Pay More Attention to the subtle interweavings between Desire, Intention and Manifestation.

i wish all my Gentle Readers a happy, healthy and harmonious 2009!

and furthermore, it would be really great if the war was over by this time next year. blessed be.

11 comments:

Lynette said...

BLESS BE
My hubby says I am a force to be reconnened with too! Not too many cross me. But I try not to be mean, spiteful or hurtful to others. Just stand my ground.
Your grandmother sounds alot like my mom. And as much as I love her she is a hard one to be around. Doom follows her head it seems to me. Her choice. But I am sure I have 20 more years of her living with me. So do my best and adore her all I can.
Thanks for your recap and I think your doing a great job of reaching for your goals.
You have published a number of books, you have a man who kisses your arm to your neck (the gomez adams in him) and you have friends in many different forms.

Laura said...

As to the grateful for friends piece...and I you!

Dina said...

what great intentions you have for the year. I will be working on mine later today when the fuzz clears from staying up too late and having a child that wakes at first light.

Kathy said...

that's a great way to start the new year. It's good to see how many blessings there are. As always, you give me a new way to think about my own life, and for that and many other things, I thank you.
Happy New Year!

Kim said...

What a great way to start the new year. You are one of the people I would put on my grateful to have in my life list. May this year be filled with an abundance of blessings!

Dia said...

Lovely list of gratitudes! & your comments on your grandmama made me chuckle, as 'the other inlaws' (my dau's fiance's mom)'s mom is one of those unhappy souls, & takes it out on her daughter!
She's close to passing over, & I think of going over to play my harp for her (she taught music, & wanted to hear it, but never has.) . . .

Thanks for stopping by my blog; I 'sat with' the SoulCollage stuffs for awhile before beginning, too. & am enjoying them - a card a month (new &/or full moon is fun!) is a sweet way to begin. The 'presence' card was full moon in Gemini, so focus on a word; next full m will be Cancer - nurturing.

Happy year (the word is 'fable!' always enjoy a real word!!)

Walk in the Woods said...

And I am grateful for friends like you. Well, specifically - you!

Bountiful Blessings to you and all you love for this new calendar year we call 2oo9 - and forever and always.

john white said...

I remember 50.

Friends are the greatest compliment to one's life.

Enjoy.

Dina said...

thank you for the advice, it reall y means a lot to me. now i need that reading i will email you to set it up

Denea said...

Yes you get credit for the two that came from you. And your comments and because you follow. That gives you 6 enteries so far. Cool huh? I hope to feel better soon. Ear ache and swollen tonsils now. Going to the doctor this afternoon.

Martha said...

What a lovely list of the inventory of "Annie's Appreciations" which of course inspires me to appreciate all my blessings and abundance.
Mazel Tov to you in 2009!